We knew we gave up eating health-sustaining meals to pay the Internet bill this month for something. We just weren’t sure for what until about fifteen minutes ago.

Let us be the proud introductees (new word alert) of Crudbump. He’s a Columbus, OH resident that fancies himself in the world of spoken word and rap proficiencies. Crudbump has created the world’s truest and grammatically finest holiday song of all time. This thing should be platinum on multiple levels in every language. Beyoncé who?

So since we’re guessing at least one out of every three adult Americans read our blog daily, we’d like to take the opportunity to make this man a little more popular. And seriously, fuck you if you don’t like Christmas.