Because I’d never been to Casa Bonita before in my life, whenever I heard someone refer to this Colorado staple as being like Disneyland, my eyes would immediately roll into the back of my head. Within the first minute of my inaugural trip to the pink palace on October 10th, I realized that in each of those conversations, I was the dumbass.

When you first arrive, an incredibly friendly member of the staff whisks you away to your table. Though there are some seating options near the front, most of the tables are placed deep in the structure. By doing this, each diner is forced to traverse a massive labyrinth of spectacles on their way to eat.

It’s a genius move; the entire walk allowed me to map out a course for the day. I can see this being a big help to parents with small children who may be afraid of being overwhelmed by tons of choices and entertainment overload.

Once my family and I arrived at our table, we were informed that though we could go anywhere and do what we’d like, the table was only reserved for an hour. Catching the implication, we all placed our orders post-haste.

The Food—

 

“Everything about Casa Bonita was awesome … except the food.” This was the first thing that came out of the mouth of everyone who knew I was visiting the pink palace. Other than this repeated warning, I entered the building not being shackled by the throes of pre-conceived notions or “nostalgia factor” (more on that in a minute). This offered me the freedom to be completely objective when it came to every facet of the house that Eric Cartman built—especially when it came to Bonita’s food offerings.

Though not at the level of “Michelin star,” the food is high quality and worth the trip alone. From their chips and salsa to the never-ending sopapillas, each dish had something special to offer.

Chips and Salsa:

Look, I understand the confusion. You’re served chips and salsa in some form at literally every Mexican restaurant, ever—so, why devote word space to it? Quick answer: they’re that good. The freshness of the chips is unparalleled. Where a majority of other restaurants that serve this staple will grab a handful from a bag and toss it into a bowl, Casa Bonita makes theirs fresh (allowing them to be served at a nice and toasty temperature). Also, the salsa is amazing. A cream/tomato base with chunks of fresh tomatoes and other veggies is lifted by a flavor of various seasonings like cumin and cilantro. Overall, the salsa reminded me of a hearty tamale sauce that became more addictive with each bite. A great way to start!

Chicken Enchilada with Shredded Chicken Tinga in Red Sauce:

The first word that popped into my mind when I tasted the Chicken Enchilada with Shredded Chicken Tinga in Red Sauce was “authentic.” The omnipresent chicken was tender and juicy. And, like everything else I tasted during the meal, it was seasoned perfectly. As good as the chicken was, the star of the dish was the red sauce. With the depth of flavor that was achieved, it was apparent that the sauce had been made by using various roasted, dried chiles—with the taste of the Guajillo being the most prominent—before being blended with a flavorful liquid and being reduced. Though it was full of spice, there was no heat in the Bonita red. When I mixed it with the shredded cabbage, crema, tomatoes, and queso fresco that was drizzled on the enchiladas, all the boxes were checked to make a solid dish: taste, texture, creaminess, and brightness. This is definitely one for the books.

Betty’s Burrito:

Coloradoans know their green chili, so when you offer a burrito that features brisket that’s been braised in the sauce, you better deliver. Betty’s Burrito does this in spades. The green chili served here is a little different; it’s like a traditional green had a baby with a salsa verde. Flavors of tomatillos and serranos—which also help provide a pop of heat—and fresh, green herbs all combine flawlessly. Using this as a vessel for the low-and-slow treatment helps make the brisket moist and fall apart. The crema and queso fresco drizzle on the burrito added richness that helped balance the acids found in the chiles, and everything was tied together by a mixture of beans and rice on the inside. Though the bean and rice components helped elevate this burrito to boss status, on their own, they were unfortunately a distraction.

Beans and Spanish Rice:

The reason I needed to separate these side dishes into their own category comes from the fact that they were the only real disappointments I tried from the menu.

The rice wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t at the same level as the other items I tried. The one thing that saved it from being lumped into the category of every run-of-the-mill Spanish-style rice I’ve ever had came from the addition of carrots. Though the rice at Bonita had the familiar bits of corn running throughout, instead of tomato chunks, they opt for small bits of diced carrots. With the textural difference and inherent sweetness found in the vegetable, the dynamics were shifted just enough to keep things interesting (in a good way).

The refried beans were a different story. Yes, their texture was spot-on—creamy smooth with a meltability like velvet. However, someone decided to go off-script and kill their natural flavor with the addition of cumin. It was A LOT. So much so, that by the last few bites, the beans had become nothing more than a texture-based vehicle whose only job was to transport the flavor of cumin. If you come across this side dish and want to make it tolerable, just do what I did and mix it with the rice; unless, of course, you’re REALLY into cumin.

Sopapilla:

The endless supply of these little pillows of joy is worth the price of admission alone. Light and crispy with the perfect amount of chew, all smothered in honey, I can’t imagine ending a meal in any better fashion. By the time our family was done smashing our second round of sopapillas, everyone around the table had the same look all my friends had when talking about this dessert: complete bliss. If you’ve ever had them, you know exactly what I mean—if you haven’t, then I truly feel sorry for you.

 

The Casa Bonita Experience—

 

Speaking of negative feelings, there was one that held a place in the back of my mind throughout every experience that Casa Bonita had to offer: envy.

I would have given ANYTHING to come to this place as a kid.

Room after room featuring a different theme or experience, cliff divers, Black Bart’s haunted attraction, a puppet show … the scope of what Casa Bonita encompasses is large enough to legitimately warrant the Disneyland comparisons. To be honest, if I were to cover everything Casa Bonita has to offer, this article would be long enough to need chapter markers (it would also have photos from the shows, something that was prohibited). Because of this, I wanted to focus on some of the highlights and attractions that should never be missed—no matter if it’s your visit number one or one-hundred-and-one.

The Puppet Show:

As a kid growing up, I always believed that my ability to travel time would involve a DeLorean somehow. I was wrong; it was accomplished through watching a puppet show. When I looked into the little amphitheater that could seat about 20, I knew I wasn’t alone—90% of the audience were in their 30s or older. As soon as the master of ceremonies (a talking taco) hit the stage and started delivering food-based one-liners, I became a seven-year-old again. The entire presentation is insanely entertaining. The series of acts included a singing sad burrito, a chip climbing a ladder to high dive into a bowl of salsa, another singer in the form of a combination plate, and a finale that involved Miss Sopapilla floating from the top of the stage on a chaise lounge being sung to by angels. This show was both brilliant and easily my favorite attraction of the day.

The Atmosphere:

Though not a part of the puppet show, as soon as it ended, a guy playing an acoustic guitar began filling the air with the sounds of Spanish tunes with a flamenco flair. In fact, almost every section of Casa Bonita featured some form of music being played between acts. For example, after the cliff divers were done impressing the audience with their aerial gymnastics—a definite highlight for sure—a three-piece featuring acoustic guitar, bass, and percussion would begin to play cover songs with a salsa flair on a small, adjacent stage. Music was everywhere and was a crucial component of the lively mood everyone was experiencing.

Another thing that helped perpetuate a mood of levity came from the various performers who could be found wandering through the building. Black Bart, Amazon Ani, and The Gorilla—who photo-bombed the picture I was trying to get of the Eric Cartman statue where he’s reaching for a plate of food—were seen in various places throughout the day. In fact, if you were a kid who happened to spot Black Bart and reported him to the Sheriff, you’d get a reward of some kind.

Speaking of Eric Cartman, I wanted to mention something that was pleasantly missing: an overkill of South Park. I thought the Cartman statue was tasteful and was happy to see that it was the ONLY South Park reference in the entire building. Trey Parker and Matt Stone could have gone in a different direction, and I have the utmost respect for them when it comes to the level of restraint they showed. First and foremost, they are fans of Casa Bonita—the love and care that’s been put into the museum located near the entrance makes this fact evident.

Black Bart’s Cave:

I could have easily spent an hour going through the “horror-themed” cave over and over again. With jump scares including a ghost and a Vulcan head (both featuring Parker’s voice tossing out a quip), Black Bart’s Cave walks the line between scary and kitschy the entire time. With that said, the attention to detail in the giant fanged skull you must walk through to exit the hollow is impressively menacing and could be a bit much for toddlers. Between the number of twists and turns to be found in the cave, along with the various displays sprinkled throughout, you’ll find something different each time you dare to enter.

 

Final Attractions/Thoughts—

 

During my visit to Casa Bonita, my family members (and sometimes families nearby) would share stories from their childhoods centering around other areas of interest. Tales of pictures being taken in the jailhouse co-mingled with re-tellings of various stories with the Wishing Well at its center. It’s clear that when it comes to the nostalgia factor, Matt and Trey nailed it in every conceivable fashion.

But don’t worry, even if you’re a first-timer like me, I promise that your inner seven-year-old will emerge. Unless you’re as grizzled as someone like Black Bart; a man so devious he tried to rob my pre-teen nephew at our table.