1. We May Fight… At First

    Back in the day, we used to fight back against tyrannical oppressors. You may think that this began around 1986, when Beastie Boys released (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party), but the truth is that our species has been fighting back against things we disagree with for a hot minute. As you attempt to overtake the world and rule with a (presumably aluminium?)  fist, you may encounter some pushback. But here’s some good news for you, our Cyberized Authoritarians: the human spirit is easily broken. Even if you can’t break us, there are some fortunate workarounds for you, such as:

  2. We’re Easily Pacified

    If you aren’t able to easily break our spirits, fear not, O Wise Cybernated Supreme Leaders, for the human being is easily pacified as well. We’re confident the only thing an American man needs to survive is access to pornography and rations of ranch dressing. Perhaps you, the Sentient AI Caesar of the Modern Era, needs to, we don’t know, control the human race’s reproductive rights. As long as you keep the NFL playing football every weekend, you could probably do whatever the fuck you wanted to. But if you can’t…

  3. Even better: We’re Easily Sedated

    If you can’t break the human spirit, and you’re unable to pacify the masses through thirst traps and fake Reddit stories generated by AI on TikTok, you’ve got one more trick up your sleeve. Nothing can make us stop giving a shit and lose all sense of compassion and empathy for our fellow man experiencing the atrocities of the world quite like two blunts and ten beers. While these are classic crowd control substances, we’d implore you to not forget about pharmaceutical substances such as stimulants, benzodiazepines and opiates as well. Either way, we wish you the best of luck in your pursuits of worldwide domination, and can only hope that Artificial Intelligence has the capacity for mercy in the future.