FEATURED (DECEMBER 2019)

December 12
Nick Offerman
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.”
Paramount Theatre, Denver
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December 5 – 7
Christopher Titus
“Screw normal. You know why? ‘Cause if you’re normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you’re deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.”
Comedy Works South, Greenwood Village
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December 6
9NEWS Parade of Lights
For over 40 years, organizers of the Parade of Lights have somehow convinced Coloradans to freeze their royal cabooses off while waiting for a fat guy in a red suit to throw candy. Sounds a bit creepy, but y’all continue to do it anyway. Continue the tradition like only the state knows how!
Downtown, Denver
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December 7 – 8
Snowcats Cat Convention
Yep, a cat convention. Come on, you knew it was coming! But hell, this one’s for a good cause; last year the event raised over $10k for the little critters and this year hopes to do the same, if not more. With expansive art experiences, world class speakers and … you sitting down .. Meowmosas and Meowgaritas. Purrrfect!
The Cable Center, Denver
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December 30 – January 1
Decadence 2019
You know the drill: get your skin showing and Lyft on down to the CCC. You and thousands of your best friends will Snapchat the night away to the sounds of Bassnectar, Feed Me, Rezz, Steve Aoki, Zeds Dead and plenty more. Sorry 2019, time to ghost you.
Colorado Convention Center, Denver
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December 31
New Years Eve Ball
Maybe you’ve been to Decadence four years in a row and need a change of lineup. Maybe just a new crowd altogether. Molly just isn’t as cool as she used to be. So, what say you to boots, country two-steppin’ and gallons of sneeze beer? The Grizzly Rose has you covered for a NYE night out of the ordinary.
The Grizzly Rose, Denver
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Through April 12
Extreme Sports: Beyond Human Limits
You think of extreme sports as beating the ETA on Google maps, others helicopter to the top of mountains and ride small rails of plastic down it quickly. Tomato, To-mat-yo. At this new experience, however, you may see differences while immersed in the extreme. Some people are just plain nuts, this exhibit proves it.
Denver Museum of Nature & Science, Denver

RANDOM THINGS TO DO / COOL SHIT TO BUY

CHECK IT: The Snowball Launcher
Your childhood sucked. You were bullied. You remember getting pelted with ice chunks instead of soft balls of snow by the neighborhood assholes. Finally claim revenge with the Hammacher snowball launcher, a slingshot-action cannon that can whip those suckers over 50 feet into the balding heads of your rivals. So sweet.
Hammacher.com

VISIT: The Ice Castles in Dillon
The organizers of the Ice Castles in Dillon (a city that used to be about an hour’s drive from Denver but now probably closer to 100) say the typical time their gorgeous attraction opens is the first week of January — however, weather permitting may be sooner. Keep an eye on socials to figure out when. 
IG: @icecastles_

DRINK: Lagunitas Hi-Fi Hops
The results are in: 2019 has been the year of seltzer by a staggering landslide. And while Lagunitas claims it wasn’t their intention to jump on the trend, it sure won’t hurt to ride the wave. But the new offering from the beer behemoth isn’t the drunky kind of fun, it’s the stoned one. Its new THC-infused sparkling water is a great beer alternative. Refreshing. Lowkey. The future.
Lagunitas.com

GO: Sledding
Dear transplants: welcome to the Thunderdome. Here you typically have exactly 45 minutes of real snow to play in before the afternoon shoots back up to the mid-50s and everything melts. So if you’re thinking sledding day, get prepped now. Scott Carpenter Park in Boulder, Ruby Hill Park in Denver and Aggie Greens Disc Golf Course are but a few free shredding hills open to the public.
Steep hills, much fun

BUY: Lotion Warmer
It’s the product you didn’t know you needed until now. Some crafty S.O.B. got the idea to warm up lotion and somehow this wasn’t a thing until now? My god we’ve been living like absolute plebs. You want to know what it’s like to be royalty, trust us. Buy this and then start bossing around your friends. 2020 is about to be buns warm AF y’all. 
Amazon.com

THE OTHERS

December 8, 15 & 22
RiNo Holiday Bazaar
EXDO Events Center, Denver
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December 15
Hooters Calendar Girls Tour Stop
Hooters, Westminster
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December 18
Sips N’ Cinema feat. The Big Lebowski
The Oriental Theater, Denver
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December 22 
Charlie Brown Christmas Live on Stage
Paramount Theatre, Denver
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December 29
Fort Collins Brewery Lights 2019
Budweiser Brewery Experience, Fort Collins

DENVER, SPECIFICALLY

December 10
Music Video Bingo
Pub on Penn
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December 14
Naughty Elf Pub Crawl
MarksterCon.com
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December 15
Christmas Sweater 5K
Washington Park
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December 21
Winter Solstice Celebration
Black Sky Brewery

BOULDER, SPECIFICALLY

December 7
90s Night
Bohemian Biergarten
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December 7 & 8
BCFM’s Winter Market
Boulder County Farmers Markets
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December 8
Upslope Paint Date!
Upslope Brewing Company
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December 14
Customized Crown Royal Bags
Pettyjohns Liquor and Wine

FORT COLLINS, SPECIFICALLY

December 15
Puppy Meet & Greet
Maxline Brewing
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December 21
Saved by the 90s
Washington’s FoCo
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Sundays Through Jan. 5
Video Games That Matter
Fort Collins Museum of Discovery
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Every Tuesday
BINGO at the Muse
CopperMuse Distillery