We paid a lot of money for a journalism degree, did you know that? It’s the most regretted degree in the entirety of higher education, and there are days where we look back and wonder what the hell we were thinking. At the same time, we’ve always had this life-long dream: what if we could use that degree to go on and let a group of magazine readers know that we’re circumcised? Would that make all the college debt and essays we wrote worth it? Who’s to say?
Anyway, two dudes filed a lawsuit alleging that not banning male circumcision in Colorado’s state-wide ban on female genital mutilation counts as gender discrimination, which has to be, in our very humble opinion, the worst fucking way to get a point across ever since we started writing back-handed insults to our own parents in our magazine articles articulating how upset we are at our own lack of foreskin.
In 1999, Colorado enacted a law that basically said removing a female’s clitoris counts as child abuse, because, spoiler alert, it absolutely does. Now, two men are stating that not including male circumcision in the bill counts as gender discrimination, and while we personally agree that, in the age of soap, showers, and antibiotics, there’s probably no reason to deprive your child of between 1,000 and 10,000 nerve endings in the tip of their ol’ tic tac, we don’t think crying foul via gender discrimination is the correct way to get what you want here.
At the time that we wrote this article, no hearing date had been announced, but we’re interested to see how this one plays out.
In the meantime, we’ll be continuously plagued by the same thoughts that have haunted us since our teenage years. Questions like: Is the rampant acceleration of technology going to bring our species to extinction? Do other people have better sex than we do because their parents didn’t choose to cut off their foreskin after we were less than 48 hours old? Also, what happened to Mambo No. 1-4?
