After Not Moving or Speaking For Two Years, Paralyzed Man Requests Beer

After Not Moving or Speaking For Two Years, Paralyzed Man Requests Beer

The beer was followed up by listening to a TOOL album. That’s a real thing that happened.

CultureApril 22, 2022 By Marshall Dunham

After not speaking to his family for two years, a German man wowed his family and the world when he requested a pint first thing in the morning.

“But Rooster,” you say. “Doesn’t that just sound like a normal Tuesday?”

Indeed, you’d normally be right. But consider this: the thirsty and sober man hadn’t been able to move or communicate for two years.

According to an article from the Dailymail, the 36-year-old German had been in a state of total paralysis since February of 2019, but thanks to a brain implant, the man was able to request alcohol last month.

The man was paralyzed for more than two years, which is a really long time to go without a beer. The last time any of us at Rooster went two years without a barley pop, we were still riding school buses.

After more than two years of the man not even being able to move his eyes, doctors installed a brain implant that lets him control a keyboard with his mind.

Which, at the end of the day, only makes the story that much more badass. Imagine being given insane Jedi mind trick cyborg powers and your first use of the revolutionary new technology bestowed upon you is in the pursuit of alcohol.

According to the Dailymail, the man’s paralysis was brought on due to the progression of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS.

Indeed, while there is nothing more legendary than asking for a beer after two years of not moving or talking, the story gets even better, as the man then reportedly requested to listen to a TOOL album.

“Employing audible tones that the patient could modify, researchers were able to work out a system in which the patient could communicate entire sentences with some level of reliability,” reads an article from “Many of the man's attempts failed, but over the course of a year, he was able to communicate — albeit at a frustratingly slow rate of one character per minute — dozens of thoughts, including, ‘I love my cool son’ and ‘I would like to listen to the album by Tool loud.’

So there you have it, folks. This German man is officially superior to our own fathers, because in addition to drinking beer and listening to TOOL, he even refers to his son as “cool.”