What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? 

Loaded Baked Potatoes. Not because they are the most delicious but because I’m least likely to make them myself. I don’t got that kind of time. Do you know how long it takes to make a large Baked potato at elevation? Like three hours. Here is a list of things I would rather do with three hours than bake a potato in Colorado:

  • Drive to the mountains, smoke a blunt, and drive back. 
  • Listen to the entire Audiobook of “Britney Spears: The woman in me” at 1.5 speed
  • Argue with my Mom on the phone that I’m not bad with money, and that her generation destroyed the economy and took away our chances at the American dream. 
  • Dissociate.
  • Go to Wendy’s, buy a baked potato, then go home and watch 2.5 episodes of the Sopranos. 

How do you feel about “Friendsgivings”? 

They are great! It makes way more sense to make some food and spend time with people your own age, then it is with your family that grows slightly more racially problematic with each passing year. The problem with your family is that everyone older than you worked part time at a grocery store in 1976 and bought a 4 bedroom house for $15,000 and decided this gave them the right to make out of pocket commentary about our country at every family function, for the rest of their lives. At a friendsgiving you will most likely be eating some terrible turkey (no one under 50 can make a decent turkey) and discussing how the Legend of Zelda franchise should have never veered from the open world concept on this year’s release. At Family Thanksgiving you will be quietly wondering how your Aunt Debbie can figure out the complexity of a scratch made pumpkin pie but still struggles to grasp the concept of pronouns. The only issue I have with Friendsgiving is tasking a bunch of gen z / millennials to attempt a food menu based completely off foods only eaten once a year. I can fix friendsgiving in one word: brunch. Instead of starving yourself all day to the point of hallucinations that lead you to believe you’re craving turkey, let’s all get up at a reasonable hour and meet up for a good ole Thanksgiving brunch. Even my degenerate friend group can pull off some french toast. Suck it Aunt Debbie. No one wants your pie or your terrible advice. 

 

I am really into EDM but have a hard time dating. Where are the best places to meet like minded people? 

They say that good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go backstage so that’s probably out for you. Plus you don’t want a baddie. People think they want one until it’s four in the morning and you are trying to cover-up a DUI by pushing their 2007 Nissan Altima out of a ditch on HWY 36 in the snow. You also won’t find the love of your life at a warehouse after party so you are going to need to think outside the box. What about the merch person? They like the same music as you AND they know the value of a dollar. Play your cards right and you might land yourself a solid partner and a discount on Subtronics pashminas. You could try for the person at the ticket counter? Not only do they probably have a hook up on those expensive shows you want to go to, but after a night of arguing with people just coming up on drugs yelling, “I’M ON THE GUESTLIST” at them all night, any sort of genuine and kind interactions would be a welcomed breath of fresh air.