Medical conspiracies are some of the hottest to touch — so here we go.

If you really want to drop a polarizing conspiracy on your friends, venture into the topical realm of personal health. As soon as you start telling people that their doctors are lying, their diet is wrong, that their daily supplements (or God forbid their vaccines!) don’t do anything, things ramp up quickly. Health is so personal that merely broaching the subject with some people can be explosive. The realm of health conspiracies is a wild place. The walls here are painted with opinionated accelerant, and this month, we’re lighting a match in hopes of shedding light on what’s inside.

Drinking Your Own Urine

This bizarre practice is spreading among alternative online health circles, and I don’t know what to make of it. I watched a man do it in person, but he was, well, piss drunk, and I’m not sure he really absorbed the good juju. Then again, he wasn’t hungover the next day.
The idea is that your body is releasing necessary nutrients in the form of piss. Drinking it replenishes you, like a multivitamin. Why not just take a multivitamin? Because, goddamnit, Big Vitamin is a scam and piss is free. And while we’re on the subject…

Vitamins Are a Scam
If you’re buying street vitamins, black market cheap alternatives, or trying experimental vitamin supplements, you might be getting scammed. But there is a lot of evidence to support how regular vitamins (A, C, D, E, K, B-complex) are beneficial. 

Now, that doesn’t mean that the vitamin industry doesn’t over-market, or sell vitamin supplements that are effective placebos. But without vitamins in and of themselves, you and I would both be dead. Supplementing them won’t kill you, and might even make you feel better.

Child Cannibalism & Adrenachrome

Here we get to the real meat and potatoes (excuse the pun) of this article. We’ve all heard the rumors. That the elite partake in child sacrifices, ritualistic cannibalism, and consume the adrenal glands of living human babies (aka “Adrenachrome”) to derive power, prolong their lives, and just generally bond over a nice meal.
I’ve never tried it personally, nor have I ever spoken with someone who has. But I can tell you it’s happened, and was probably one of the menu items offered by the late Jeffrey Epstein. Are these just induction rituals to control people in powerful positions with even darker blackmail? Or… is there maybe, actually, something to this health theory? 

Bleach Enimas Cure Autism

For a while, desperate parents looking for treatments locked onto a strange idea being promoted online called “Miracle Mineral Solution.” Among its claims of curing and treating a wide range of health ailments, the creators of this “medicine” also asserted that it could cure autism if used as an enema — which is to say, shot up the ass. Naturally, autistic kids all over the country started having some really awkward interactions with their parents. And wouldn’t you believe it? Not one of them ever was cured of their neurological differences. In fact, numerous kids were injured as a result.

Young Blood Infusions

Once upon a time, Rooster Magazine covered a company known as Ambrosia Health. A forward-thinking medical student had run a couple of experiments on mice and found that infusing older mice with the blood of healthy younger mice led to marginal, almost imperceptible benefits. So he started a company, marketing his young blood aging cure to millionaires and billionaires with a severe fear of death. The FDA shut him down at least once, but the founder was tenacious. If you really want a young blood infusion, I’m sure you still could get one. You might just have to venture into the darker parts of the (read: DARK) web.

Australian Berries Cure Cancer

In 2014, the Guardian published an article about a drug derived from the Australian Blushwood berry, which allegedly killed tumors like Rambo kills police officers in First Blood. In animal trials, a drug derived from this berry eradicated cancer in 70% of cases. Veterinarians loved it. And of course, Big Pharma couldn’t keep its paws off it. A large Australian Pharmaceutical company patented the drug, released it to the masses very affordably, and massively reduced cancer and cancer mortality rates worldwide. 

Just kidding. After the drug was patented, no one ever heard another peep about it ever again. Because cancer makes longterm money, while cures really aren’t that lucrative.