Prudes! How the hell are we gonna learn?

If it's one thing that people are bad at, it's this:

Yeah, finger-banging might be generally regarded as a second-class sexual activity, down there with dry humping, handjobs and poorly executed French kisses. And it makes sense, because these actions are often executed when one or both parties have no idea what they're doing. If you've never learned, then you don't have a fucking clue how to do a good job. You might just take your cues from porn, and since that's basically the WWE of sex, real life has almost no similarities. 

That's why we were so psyched to see a new app called "La Petite Mort" — an "abstract erotic musical simulation game."

Doesn't look too graphic, huh? Well, it basically teaches people how to finger in a tender, loving way. There's a video here, but it's surprisingly graphic for a bunch of pixels. 

Basically, it teaches you not to just smash your lady's happy button like a naked game of whack-a-mole, as that will only hurt and piss her off. If you wanna win, you gotta be tender and loving. We totally agree.

That's where the action is getting good. 

And when the rockets go off! Good job, everyone!

But Apple thought the game was too sexy, and pulled the plug on everything. What a bunch of dorks. 

"Our game should not be regarded as an educational game about pleasuring vulvas," creator Patrick Jarnfelt writes. "It is meant to be a sensuous, erotic and artistic experience in itself. One could hope though, that the way you have to play it and the discussions it hopefully spurs, could lead to people being more relaxed about female sexuality, and make the world more accepting and aware on these subjects, and make them less taboo."

That's making the world a better place. If more people would pleasure vulvas more lovingly, a lot of the problems in today's society would fall away. 

Apple, if anyone needs lessons on how to finger tenderly, it's you guys.