Daily Viral: Man breaks into bank, heats up Hot Pockets, arrested by SWAT — “For a hot pocket? Hell yeah, it was worth it."

Daily Viral: Man breaks into bank, heats up Hot Pockets, arrested by SWAT — “For a hot pocket? Hell yeah, it was worth it."

All he wanted to do… was use the microwave.

VicesJuly 21, 2020 By Will Brendza

Hunger will drive people to some truly crazy ends.

I was listening to a guy just the other day, describe how, while starving to death in deep Alaska in the depths of winter, he happened upon a moose that had just been killed by a wolf… This mad lad was so hungry, without thinking twice he chased the wolf off of its own kill, and, like a buzzard, descended upon the carcass himself — reaching into it, pulling out its still-warm organs with his bare hands and eating them raw, right there on the spot.

Then you have this guy, in San Diego, who, just recently broke into a Wells Fargo bank in the dead of night. Not to rob the place of money to pay for food. Not to hold anyone hostage and make demands. All he wanted to do was heat up a couple of Hot Pockets™.

That’s right, Hot Pockets. Two of them, to be precise. And, by his own words, he has absolutely no regrets.

It was around 3 am when the man (who police did not identify) smashed his way through the window of the San Diego Wells Fargo. The alarm was triggered and police were immediately dispatched to the scene of the crime. Anticipating a full-on bank robbery, they showed up with riot shotguns, bullet proof vests and combat helmets, clearly ready for a all-out gunfight.

Instead, they found this man, peacefully enjoying his dinner inside the breakroom of the closed Wells Fargo, alone. All he’d wanted, was use the microwave. What was he supposed to do, eat his Hot Pockets cold?

I think not.

As police were hauling him off, reporters, who had flocked to the scene asked him if the crime was worth it.

“Hell yes it’s worth it,” he responded without hesitatioin. “Fuck yeah it’s worth it. For a hot pocket? Hell yeah. I was hungry as fuck.”

What a legend.

Sadly, the humor of this story is undercut by a sharp and very real issue: homelessness. As the man is being cuffed and loaded into the patrol car a journalist asks him if he lives in the area. His face darkens at the question.

“Man, I’m homeless, dude” He says seriously, his eyes lowering. Followed by something inaudible.

It’s a pretty real moment. One that sucks the laughter right out of the reporter who posed the question. This guy was hungry, plain and simple. He wasn’t breaking into this bank to steal anything. He wasn't trying to be fuynny. He broke in because he wanted food — hot food — and they had a microwave. He was desperate. He did what he felt he had to.

And now he’s in jail for it. And, as sad as it is to admit, chances are, his life behind bars is probably going to be better than his life on the street. He has a roof and he has three meals a day, at least — and while most prisons don’t have hot pockets on their list of commissary items, he won’t have to break into any more banks just to use the microwave.

That’s free-of-charge, even in the Big House.