December Hookup Horoscopes: Fast and the Frisky
It’s time to level up in your sex life.
ARIES: Hold off on sending nudes right away when sexting this month. Instead, be the ultimate tease and titillate your partner. Make them beg for it. Drive them crazy. Be a thirst trap. You’re the lusty Ram of the zodiac. It’s your super power.
TAURUS: If there were a fictional sex apparatus named after you, it would be the Orgasmatron. Not only do you know precisely where your partner’s G-spot is, you also know the location of several others, plus a few that haven’t yet been discovered. They’re going to be lining up at your bedroom door!
GEMINI: You’re not the most discriminating sex partner. Your philosophy is, “If it feels good, do it.” You’re advised to stay away from fresh vegetables and small farm animals right now despite your need for novelty. Yeah, you’re pansexual, but you also have a reputation to uphold.
CANCER: What would it feel like if you were both sexually and emotionally satisfied? Sex for sex’s sake just won’t do it. The right lover isn’t afraid of your emotional intensity, so be a bit more discerning about your partners. You’re about to connect with someone who’s ready to fulfill your every need.
LEO: You’re already at the top of the sexual food chain, but don’t let down your guard just yet. There’s a new kid in town and they’re gunning to take your spot. Don’t be complacent. It’s time to sharpen those claws and practice your might roar. Competition is a good thing.
VIRGO: Sex with you can be an otherworldly experience, as long as it’s not like being abducted by aliens. You’re seeking someone on a similar spiritual plane, and that might not be as easy as you think. High standards are one thing, but it also shrinks the list of partners you’re willing to mash with.
LIBRA: You’re bold and direct which might scare off some of the more timid sexual partners. You may also be searching for partners to join in a ménage á trois. The more the merrier! Especially going into the holiday season. Just be certain that everyone feels included.
SCORPIO: You can’t spell sex without S-C-O-R-P-I-O! You have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to partners this month. You’ll want to get crystal clear about your needs and desires so you don’t spend all your time feeling dissatisfied. Be provocative like only you can.
SAGITTARIUS: The success of your sex life is directly connected to your ability to lower your guard and let your inner sex monster out to play. If you want your toes tickled with a feather, your butt smacked with whipped cream, or peanut butter licked from your nipples, all you gotta do is ask.
CAPRICORN: You may feel inspired to combine your sex life with a few office fantasies you’ve been considering. Though initiating such activity in the actual office may be detrimental to remaining employed, there’s no reason you can’t role play in the bedroom. Consider all options before making your move.
AQUARIUS: Though gettin’ jiggy may not be first on your agenda, it will become something you actively seek out now. It’s up to you to decide how much and with whom. You’re looking for adventure, and your partner has to be up to the task.
PISCES: It’s time to level up in your sex life, and if anyone can do it, you can. There’s a good chance that an ex-lover is going to resurface for a “one more time” kind of connection. It’s going to be so amazing you’ll wonder why you ever split up in the first place. Tread carefully.