The web was already a step removed from reality — could it be twice removed?

People have a funny habit of claiming things are dead without actually knowing they are. “God is dead.” “Rock is dead.” “Art is dead.” Hell, people have been claiming Paul McCartney is dead since the 60s. There might be some merit to that last one — but by and large, these claims are bold and generally impossible to confirm. 

Except when it comes to the “Dead Internet Theory.” If you’ve caught any whiffs of this ominous notion you know just how heavy its implications are. The Imperva 2024 Bad Bot Report analyzed online content and found that humans account for just 50% of online traffic and posts. 

The Dead Internet Theory suggests that percentage is much, much higher than 50%. It says that sometime in 2016, the authentic old internet we once knew and loved, withered, died (or was killed), and re-populated with bots and trolls — like maggots infesting a corpse — maggots with intent. 

And certainly, something smells dead if you peruse the ol’ Facebook feed or any front-page subreddits. The posts, the tone of voice, the commentary and comments… it feels flat. Abiotic, almost. And if you do some cursory digging, a lot of it is coming from sus accounts with minimal posting history or a history of pushing certain, untrue, mistrue, or misleading narratives. Shell accounts, egg profiles, hollow internet avatars, and tacit trolls combing the web and populating it with content.

Could our beloved World Wide Web really be an animatronic cyber zombie? Are ghosts really running the machine? And if so, to what ends??

Possibility #1: The Court of Propaganda

The unelected people running our three-letter agencies have spent decades concocting psychopathic psychological schemes and executing them both abroad and at home. MK-Ultra. Project Monarch. The CIA Contra crack cocaine conspiracy. These same dubious actors have been trying to hijack the internet since its inception. The flow of free speech and exchange of information threatens their narrative control. So they engineered a digital army of bots, hired trolls, and choked the old internet to death with bad information and mean-spirited weirdness. They’ve turned our “public square” into a “court of propaganda” that can be used to push agendas and bend The People’s will… Or have they?

Possibility #2: Illuminati Red Herring

As the Dead Internet Theory suggests, perhaps not all is as it seems. The internet is a resource of The People. It’s been used to overthrow tyrants, organize revolutions and protests, expose conspiracies, and bring the corporate narrative into question. Killing it would be a hard thing to do, even with an army of bots and trolls. So what’s your next best option, if you’re a lizard person plotting how to maintain your grasp on the situation? Convince The People that their greatest tool and resource is null, void, dead, and gone…

Possibility #3: Military, Corporate, Vigilante Salad

The internet is being used to sow discord and plant lies by numerous actors working at different levels of government, for different national, non-governmental dark entities, and even hell-bent computer-savvy Mr. Robot-type individuals. Their disparate hordes of bots and trolls are pushing god-knows-how-many different agendas. They’re whipping up a hurricane of confusion that’s becoming impossible to see through. 

Possibility #4: Creepypasta

Yes, creepypasta is a real word. It’s a spooky horror-related internet character. It’s technically “folklore” of the digital age. Some people think that’s all there is to the Dead Internet Theory — just some Reddit weeb’s wet conspiracy and paranoid fantasies. But that in and of itself feels like a halfhearted newspeak attempt at pooh-poohing the whole thing.

~Juan’s word~

At the bare minimum, half of the internet content we all consume on a daily basis is algorithmically generated by self-animated computer programs executing orders from some business entity, scheming individual, rogue computer programmer, intelligence agency, military program, lizard person, or any other assorted Bond villain. That’s a fact. Could it be closer to 85%? 99%?

I don’t think it really matters. The lesson is the same: Do not trust all you see online. Remain skeptical of every comment. Remain vigilant of bullshit. And for fuck’s sake, keep it REAL out there online, people. If we can’t do that, then we’ve let the bots (and whoever is behind them) win.