I’m not having a lot of success with ladies on the dating apps. How do I step up my game?
Scientists have a lot of advice to offer. Those nerds have produced a treasure trove of research about the best strategies to optimize the online dating process from right-swipe to laying pipe.
First you’ll have to lure the ladies in with your profile photos. But like a night of Taco Bell and anal sex, there are lots of ways things can go wrong. Pouty-faced selfies, shirtless gym pics, and group photos are all big no-no’s. Your pictures should portray you as attractive, active, and approachable. You’ll want at least one close-up of your face and one full view of your body. You’ll want a picture with a genuine smile and a photo of yourself enjoying a hobby. Ditch the pics with sunglasses. Women need to see your eyes, gaze into the windows of your soul, and determine if you’re a serial killer. Nothing is more awkward than meeting up with a guy who still has the body of his last Tinder date decaying in the trunk of his car.
When it comes time to spark conversation, men’s cardinal sin is sending a half-assed “hey ;)” and expecting her to splooge at the sight of their suggestive emoji. You’ll need to individualize your opening message and make it clear that you’ve read her profile. Don’t beat around the bush in arranging a meet-up. People are bad at predicting who they’ll like in person, so don’t waste time endlessly texting and building up idealized expectations.
Finally, don’t spend too much time swiping through honies. Studies show that the longer you spend on the app, the more you start thoughtlessly rejecting every profile and growing pessimistic of ever finding a partner. Limit yourself to once per day to stay positive of your prospects. In time, you’ll find your future wife and finally abandon that blow-up sex doll that just wants to be friends.