Welcome to 2026! What strange and loathsome conspiracies will it bring us?

No holiday is more arbitrary than New Year’s. It’s a single point along the Earth’s 584 million mile solar orbit that Julius Caesar decided in 45 BC marks the end of one “year” and the beginning of the next. Today, it’s an excuse to sell plastic champagne flutes, party blowouts, and cute paper top hats. We drop a ball. Some of us drop acid. Alcohol is consumed. Strangers make out. Babies are conceived. Resolutions are made, and for some reason, we all go into “January” feeling like we’ve got a fresh start — when in fact, none of it means anything.
Our point is, Happy New Year, dear reader. 2026. It’s sure to bring us a laundry list of false flags, propaganda, skewed narratives, and outright plots against humanity cooked up in the background, underground, out of sight, and out of mind. The coming year’s conspiracies are unforeseeable. It would take some kind of autistic clairvoyant genius reading a crystal ball, or Palantir to predict them…
Luckily, we’ve got both of those here at Rooster Magazine. What follows is a list of conspiracies that we’re forecasting over the next 12 months. Strap on those tin foil strap-ons. Call your bookies and place your bets. This is Rooster’s Conspira-predictions for 2026.

Luigi Mangione Didn’t Kill Himself
Everyone loves The Man-Gione. Guy’s a total hunk, he allegedly killed an insurance CEO, and now he’s on trial and can’t seem to take a bad photo. Well, if you read our coverage on his case from last January, you know the man is likely innocent. We’d speculate on how the jury will rule, but we don’t even think they’ll get there. Like Lee Harvey Oswald, we predict this handsome patsy is going to meet an untimely demise before he has a chance to speak his truth.

Trump Suffers From a Stroke, His Handlers Try to Hide It
Wait, that already happened in September.

U.S. Starts Oil War With Venezuela Using False Flag Attacks
The U.S. is currently engaged in blowing up Venezuelan “drug runners” and commandeering Venezuelan “drug cargo ships.” In reality, we’re missile-ing fishermen and stealing oil tankers full of black gold. We’re baiting Venezuela to do something, and our intelligence agencies/military are planning some kind of false flag event, like Pearl Harbor or 9/11, which gives us a reason to go to war with the most oil rich nation in South America.

Hidden Ocean Civilization Reveals Itself, Tells Humans to Knock It Off
With the increase in UFO videos and reports claiming these strange vehicles can travel through water as fast as they travel through air, there’s reason to believe we aren’t alone — on this planet. It’s believed that 22.6%-36% of UFO sightings are attributable to an underwater breakaway civilization that has evolved alongside us, persisting for eons beneath the surface of the ocean’s waves, observing, waiting, and perhaps even manipulating events of the surface world. We predict that in 2026, this civilization will reveal itself and tell humanity … and tell us to cut the shit and stop dumping diapers and plastic bottles into their atmosphere.

Ghislaine Maxwell’s Presidential Pardon
Look, we all know Maxwell and Epstein have some shit on Trump. I’m not just talking about videos of him diddling, or even photos of him blowing his buddy Bubba. I’m talking about proof of something much darker; something that the average American mind shudders to imagine. There’s a much deeper reason why Trump is so afraid of those files coming out, and it’s why we’ll never actually see them.
It’s the same reason why Ghislaine Maxwell is going to get a full presidential pardon this year. She’s holding those secrets over Donnie’s head, and he’s just waiting for the hype around the Epstein files to die down. Then, he’ll quietly excuse Ghislaine for all of her crimes, and she’ll disappear into the sunset.