I’m a drug dealer in Denver, but due to the increased popularity of sobriety, I need to find a new way of making money, and I’m trying to stay within the Denver EDM scene. Any Suggestions?
While it’s sad that even the noble drug dealers are struggling during these trying times, I would say there are plenty of opportunities for more legal employment within the EDM community in Colorado. The most obvious choice would be to become a promoter. Taking those same skills you learned in the streets, selling pills and ketamine, would make you a prime candidate to… well… stay in those streets and sell shows! There is a lot of crossover. You need to be socially aggressive, not take “no” for an answer, and provide a consistent supply of a high-quality product (in this case, bass) that the youth can rely on. The path from drug dealer to promoter has been well established over the years by some of your favorite promoters today!
If that’s not your bag (drug pun intended), you could go into clothing. The EDM merch game is big business these days, and there is no shortage of riddim DJs that need some logo that looks like a disintegrating leather couch cushion slapped on a t- shirt. If that seems mainstream, you could even start your own clothing line. Many successful EDM fashion companies started after some wook got their girlfriend pregnant and had to think fast to make some quick cash. All you need is a good eye for design and a vivid imagination. Maybe you can even take some of that leftover Adderall you won’t be selling anymore and stay up all night making tie-dyes!
You said you were a drug dealer, so I’m guessing you have some sort of Audi? How did I know? Audis tend to be the official drug dealer car for Colorado. They look fancy, have nice interiors, and most have really good Quattro AWD systems for making those late-night drop-offs during unpredictable Colorado weather. Not to mention, they are notoriously unreliable, which makes them perfect for sitting in parking lots.
Well, now that you aren’t using it for sitting outside of Cervantes’ anymore, why not get into Artist Hospitality? There are always people looking for reliable people with nice cars to go pick up DJs from DIA. You’re probably going to need to get insurance for the first time, but once you do, there will be no shortage of jobs for you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is there are lots of options out there—just don’t be another riddim DJ, there are already too many of those. Maybe do visuals.
Do you agree with these new bans on E-Bikes?
The answer from me is “kinda.” Like, if I were 13 years old, would I have one? Obviously not. They are like $2000, and when I was 13, I couldn’t even get the name-brand Super Soaker; I had to get the Sir Squirts-a-lot from Walgreens, and it sucked ass. But would I have wanted one? Heck yeah! Imagine the freedom you would get from being a teenager and having an unlicensed, uninsured, street weapon that goes 0-60 in 2 seconds.
But there is such a thing as too much freedom, and these kids are doing exactly what you think they would do with this kind of power, which is mostly crime. But at the same time, I feel for the youth of today. On one hand, you have society yelling at them to get off their phones and go outside, but what they forget is that older generations made the outside suck ass worse than a ’90s Sir Squirts-a-lot. Have you been outside lately? It’s hot AF from global warming, everything costs $40, it’s infested with Fentanyl crackheads, Ring doorbell cameras, and worst of all… Karens.
And yes, these E-bikes are very dangerous; there is no denying that. But not as dangerous as the world’s most selfish sport in the universe, road biking. Let’s remind everyone that road biking is a sport for rich people to ignore the hundreds of miles of bike paths to instead drive their cars to scenic highways of Colorado with no shoulder, ride their bikes in clusters of obliviousness, and then force every car on the road to “figure it out” as you navigate the twisting roads with 1000-foot cliffs on either side. There is not ONE SINGLE DAY that goes by in Colorado that I’m not forced to play chicken with a Dodge Ram because we are both in the middle of a tiny road with bikers on either side.
At least the kids on E-bikes don’t wear those ridiculous outfits that force everyone to see tiny balls and what gross microbrew beer they love at the same time. If you want to ban something, ban wearing those outfits in public. It’s gross.