Is it ok to change careers entirely after 10 years?

Absolutely! I know a guy that went to school to be a lawyer. Took the bar, passed. Was drowning in student loan debt, felt unfulfilled with his work when he did get a job. He ended up quitting and starting an organic farm of his own. He’s homeless now but at least he’s not a lawyer anymore!

How do you feel about the Chris Rock slap?
Ugh. This thing was inescapable. Seems like a bad call to throw away a lifetime of work to assault a comedian on the world stage over a lighthearted joke but hey, celebrities aren’t grounded in reality.

I’m worried about not being able to pay all of my taxes. Any advice?
Don’t pay them! Take a flight to Mexico, get plastic surgery and pick a cool new name for yourself. Lay low and invest in crypto. You’ll be fine!

My grandfather died recently and I attended the funeral. It got me thinking, what’s a better way to celebrate someone’s life other than the traditional funeral?
Great question! Might I suggest a themed funeral? You could have a Viking funeral. Medieval times might even throw you a group rate. Everyone gets dressed up then they put your body in a boat and set it out to sea on fire! That’s metal as hell!

How often should I be changing my oil? They say it’s 3,000 miles but I feel like that’s so they can keep charging me.
Yeah, getting your oil changed is overrated. It’s not even nearly as important as putting washer fluid in your ride. My advice to you is just drive it until it starts making a clunking sound. Then ditch it and buy a new whip. Problem solved.

How often should I be flossing?
Never. Life’s too short for oral hygiene. At least that’s what my uncle used to say. Granted, he wore false teeth and took them out all the time but eventually landed a pretty lucrative job scaring kids out of the parking lot at the local liquor store.

What’s a fun concert to take a first date to?
I got two words for you, buddy. Weird Fuckin’ AL!

 

MIKE KNOWS BEST:

Summer is coming and I’d like to throw it out there that if you’ve got cold feet, for $500 I’ll object to your wedding during the ceremony, then do burnouts in a smart car in the church parking lot until you can sneak out of there.