It takes me (28F) a really long time to climax during sex with my partner (28M). How can I speed up my orgasm?

It takes me (28F) a really long time to climax during sex with my partner (28M). How can I speed up my orgasm?

SexMay 05, 2021 By

Unfortunately, there’s a fundamental mismatch at play. Men take an average of 5 to 6 minutes to orgasm during partnered sex, while women take about 14 minutes. This leaves straight couples endlessly trying to meet in the middle, with men wanting to last longer, and women wanting to finish faster, so we can finally look into each other’s eyes and cum at the same time. 

You’re not alone in worrying about how long it takes to climax. Many women feel like their vagina is a wrinkle in time — like minutes and hours disappear in its depths and its explorers emerge wondering what year it is. To optimize orgasm efficiency, recognize that your brain has more power in your sexual pleasure than your genitals. To achieve orgasm, your mind needs to be present and be able to focus on the physical sensations taking place. Mindfulness is a practice to tune out distractions like stress and tune into your body. Practicing mindfulness can reap benefits between the sheets, and might finally allow you to focus your attention without fidget spinners and Adderall. I also highly recommend masturbation. It helps you learn how you like to be touched, and it can help you build arousal and anticipation for your partner. 

However, masturbation can only get you so far. You can hit your own nut button so hard it wins full custody of the kids, but ultimately, the most important change comes from your perspective and partnership. All too often, women value their partner’s orgasms more than their own. Your sexual gratification can only come when you foster the assertiveness to prioritize your own orgasm and ask for what you want in bed, like more foreplay, clitoral attention, and postponing his finale until you’ve reached yours.