Each month, we set two daters up at a restaurant, give them free food and drinks, then wait for the magic to happen. This month’s Blind Date, we set up Haley and Joseph at Vital Root in Denver. 

Meet the Daters!

Name: Haley 

Sign: Cancer

Current job: Dispensary Manager. 

Why are you going on Rooster’s Blind Date? Because y’all called me up for one. But also, why not? I have nothing to lose. 

What’s a good way to win you over: If you are funny. I really like funny dudes. And kindness too, but I love a funny dude. 

Most irrational fear: To be burned alive or drowned. 

What’s your greatest strength: I’m a bad bitch. I own my own home. I don’t rely on no man to survive. I can keep a job. I’m completely self-reliant. That’s hard to find, even in men. 

Never have I ever: The first thing that popped into my head was never have I ever had a threesome. 

One thing about you no one would believe: I’m really nice. I have resting bitch face. One of my good, good friends told me she was afraid to hit me up because I looked mean. But she met me and thought I was so sweet. I always look mad. 

Do you want kids?  With the right person, but at this current time my bankroll can’t afford that. This economy is crazy. How much is daycare? 

What do you geek out on? I really love the Sims. I love disconnecting from reality because sometimes life is so stressful that I want to punch myself in the face. 

Immediate red flags: If they are a deadbeat, if they don’t have a job, if they live with their parents and if they don’t have a car. 

Immediate green flags: If they are funny, if they treat the server nice, and if they are down to earth. I love to shoot the shit. I really do. 

One thing you can’t live without? My dog. Beagle-doxie. His name is Paquito. Aka Paco. 

Why did your last relationship end?  I needed a dude with a legal job. Also, he was insensitive. 

Celebrity crush: Benicio del Toro. 

Guilty pleasure: I love reality TV, but only doses of it. I’m really on my Below Deck shit right now.

Name: Joseph 

Sign: Aquarius? 

Current job: Between jobs. 

Why are you going on Rooster’s Blind Date? I’m just trying to get out here and do something different than those annoying apps. 

What’s a good way to win you over: Show genuine interest in my hobbies and similar taste in media. 

Most irrational fear: Fear of heights, but I’ve taken up climbing lately. I get my heart racing when I’m up there, even with a rope.  

What’s your greatest strength: My ability to listen. 

Never have I ever: Gone skinny dipping. 

One thing about you no one would believe:  I’m half Colombian. I look pretty white. 

Do you want kids?  Ideally. Two sounds like a good number. 

What do you geek out on? 3D printing. My favorite things to print are things I design myself and knickknacks. 

Immediate red flags: I’m not a huge fan of smoking tobacco. And if they don’t like dogs. 

Immediate green flags: Similar hobbies and interests. 

One thing you can’t live without? Air conditioning. 

Why did your last relationship end?  I was not mature enough. It was a high school relationship. I wasn’t mature enough. 

Celebrity crush: Linda Cardellini, Velma in the live-action Scooby Doo movie. 

Guilty pleasure: Watching way too much YouTube.

Round 1 

It’s a wonderful summer evening in Denver. The sunshine is sunning and the vibes are immaculate. Joseph arrives in his best dino shirt with a surprise in his pocket. A 3D-printed rose, perfectly printed for his date, Haley. We lurk behind the corner as he presents his gift, eager to see her reaction. After some drinks and an appetizer, we pry them apart to see how things are going.  

How are things going so far? 

J: It’s going well. The conversation is good. We’ve been talking about TV shows and audiobooks, and we both have dogs. We learned about each other’s siblings. 

H: It’s good. He’s very nice. Very respectful. He pulled the chair out for me. But, I feel like I’m keeping the conversation, which is fine. 

Did she like the rose? 

J: I think so. She said thanks. That led to talking about my hobby of 3D printing. 

Did you like the rose?

H: I thought it was very thoughtful and unique. It was very nice. I appreciate the gesture. Once I got a Harry Potter screenplay book on a date and it was the most memorable date. I forgot his name, but I still have the book. 

What are your first impressions of the dater? 

J: She was nice. I noticed her tattoos which is not something I’ve had on many dates before. I appreciate tattoos, but I don’t think I’d ever get any myself without good reason. 

H: Not my style, not my flavor, but he’s very sweet and I’m enjoying asking him questions. I think he asked me a question when there was a lull in silence. I think he’s nervous. I don’t want him to feel nervous; I’m chilling. Like what’s up! We homies! His little dinosaur shirt was cute. 

What was the first thing you noticed about your date? 

J: She had nice green eyes. 

H: That he was a little taller than me. And then I looked at his shirt, and then his face. Not my flavor, not my style, but for someone, great!

Is this the type of person you’d normally date?

J: I don’t know that I have a type just yet. I’m still figuring that out. Most of my dating has been through dating apps, and I only really started mid-pandemic so not the greatest time to start. 

H: No. He’s just not the type of person that I’m attracted to. And I think I need someone more social than I am. 

Where do you normally meet partners?

J: Mostly through apps so far, as much of a slog that it is. Hinge is the most reliable in my experience. 

H: I did Tinder and Bumble, but man. The stories. Once I went out with a homeless dude. But that’s a story for another day. 

What are you most nervous about for tonight? 

J: Coming in and meeting somebody new that I had zero expectations about. I feel better now. 

H: Probably remembering his name. But I was very honest with him. I asked his name again when we got to the table. It’s Joseph, right? Cool, so I got it. 

Did you get any advice for the date? 

J: Whether to tuck in my shirt or have the front pulled out. I tucked it in. One of my friends from the makerspace I’m a part of told me that. 

H: No. Well, yes. My coworkers told me not to be a fake bitch. They told me to be honest and I said I have nothing to lose, so why wouldn’t I be honest? And it’s all dudes that were telling me this. 

How did you prepare for the date?

J: I worked out last night and did my usual hygiene routine. Shower, some product to my hair. I’m pretty low maintenance. 

H: I was told not to wear a giant t-shirt to this date, so I didn’t do that. So I dressed up a little bit. Like I would have for a real date because I’m treating it as a real date. But I would have loved to wear a Gucci Mane shirt and some shorts. 

How did your date dress tonight?

J: She dressed nicely. She’s got a black…not sure if it’s a onesie or jumpsuit. I’m not sure. 

H: He wore a dinosaur shirt that I thought was really cute. It has the little dog emblem on it so I know it’s good quality. It looks like he tried. He looks put together. 

What are you looking forward to in the next round?

J: To learn more about her and figure out what else we have in common. 

H: Maybe he will ask me more questions, but maybe it’s just me trying to hold the conversation so maybe I need to shut the fuck up. I just don’t like sitting in silence on dates. It makes it more weird. And I’m down for another drink. 

Round 2: 

We’re going to call it now. This date will not be ending with our second-ever Rooster blind date wedding (yes, that did actually happen!). But, Haley and Joseph are both keeping an open mind and a positive attitude which we can all appreciate. We send over tequila shots to see if that can help get the juices flowing. Rooster’s solution to a mediocre first date? Tequila.

How was dinner at Vital Root?

J: Dinner was excellent. Better than expected. I got the Korean Stir Fry. It was excellent. 

H: Dinner was good but I didn’t know I was getting falafel. I ordered the Chicken wrap. It was tasty though. I love the ‘queso’ nachos. We talked about how we should have just kept ordering ‘queso’ nachos because it tastes like real queso. 

How’s the date going?

J: It’s going alright. We’ve talked about all sorts of interesting things. We’ve talked about our pets and our experiences in Colorado. She was born here. I’m a transplant. We discussed the current status of the economy. I discussed my sister and how I have a niece and nephew, and about how you have to be somewhat well established to have kids these days.  

H: The date is going well. He’s really nice and easy to talk to. Again, not my style, but I appreciate the opposing view of a different guy. I prefer someone a little more swaggy. I want you to pop, lock and drop it. I want you to ‘pow pow pow.’ The reason I’m on this date is because I keep picking drug dealers. Black market rosin. It’s so popular right now! Guess what… They are all from Florida. Florida people are different. And they know it! My ex was from Florida and he was medium ugly. He was lucky to be with me. I stayed for his dog. 

Do you two have anything in common? 

J: We both have dogs, we enjoy dog parks, we both enjoy television. I haven’t been watching as much recently since I have YouTube and am spoiled that I don’t have to watch the ads. I like infotainment – information but entertaining content. She works at a dispensary. I used to partake, but on the job search, I have stopped for the time being. 

H: We’re both exotic. I’m more Native American than I am Spanish, which is surprising. I call myself white Mexican. He is half Colombian. His mom is from Bogotá. I was like oh my god, you’re exotic boo! I asked him if he can take spice, and he said yeah. But I don’t want to see him sweat because that’s unattractive. I dated a guy who sweated over orange chicken, and I was like we’re done! 

What do you like about your date? 

J: She’s easy to talk to. Uhhhh… She’s always asking follow-up questions and making it interesting. I’ve talked about all the hobbies my dad has gone through and I’ve also touched on how he’s a taekwondo black belt, and scuba diver, and he owns a CrossFit gym now. She was impressed by those things. She’s good at listening. 

H: He is very nice and respectful and I think that he would make a great partner for someone who is on his same wavelength. He’s really nice. I would eat him up. And I want someone to eat me up. I can’t have someone who can’t handle me. I see some outta pocket shit and I need someone to counteract that. 

What do you not like about your date?

J: We don’t have a lot of overlap in some of the outdoorsy activities. I like to go on hikes with my dog, but her dog is somewhat elderly so I can understand not going on a lot of hikes lately. I’ve started climbing recently. Doesn’t sound like she is so interested. She said it’s a lot harder than you might expect. 

H: I don’t think he has enough confidence in himself. Even though I think he would make a great partner for someone else. I think he’d be great with another nerd. I have people in mind for him. He said he’s a super nerd. Like I’m down to play Pokémon GO, but I’m not going to wear a dino shirt. Add some swag to it. If you’re going to tuck your shirt in, you better come fucking correct. 

What’s the most attractive thing your date has done so far?

J: She wasn’t afraid to dig into her meal. 

H: He gave me that 3D rose which I thought was very thoughtful. It was thoughtful and it was sweet and I’m going to put it with my little knicknacks. Anything on the first date is super thoughtful. Like I said, I got a fucking book. I didn’t expect it and I was pleasantly surprised. 

How would your parents feel about the dater? 

J: My dad would probably think she’s nice, but my mom might disapprove of her working in a dispensary. 

H: My mom would probably roast him. But my mom is a Latina from Ruby Hill. My mom would fight all the fucking time. She would say, ‘Haley, he’s a fucking nerd!’ My mom’s an older version of me. 

What’s been the best part of the date so far?

J: The conversation. It’s easy to talk about any of the topics we’ve gone over. A little bit of politics, a little bit of the economy. Super sexy topics. 

H: The nachos. 

What could make the date better? 

J: Maybe if there was an activity portion of the date. Some mini golf or something. 

H: Nothing. Everything was great for the date knowing that it was a blind date. He’s not weird, he’s not rude. I’ve been on a date with someone who was sick with Covid and would still serve at his job and wear a Pokémon jumpsuit. I’ve got stories. 

How’s the chemistry on a scale of 1 to 10? 

J: 5 or 6. It’s alright. I don’t really know that I have a type, but maybe she’s not my type. 

H: A 5. We’re friends. I haven’t asked about what his last relationship status is. I told him about mine. He told me he’s antisocial so I’m not expecting it to be anytime soon, but that’s okay. 

Where would you like the night to go from here?

J: I’m not one for going out to bars frequently, so maybe it’s good if it warps up after this. 

H: I’m going to go home and probably smoke a joint because I didn’t smoke before I came here so I wouldn’t be anxious, but once I saw him I was like it’s Gucci. We’re going to have a great night, Haley! I’m going home and I’m going to chill with my dog and watch some reality TV.  

Round 3

The date is going pretty much as expected after the first round. The one thing that stands out to us is that Haley doesn’t know the difference between naan and falafel. Girl, you have to get out there and try a falafel! It is life-changing. After giving her all our favorite falafel recommendations, we check in the next day to see what happened after we parted ways. 

What happened after Rooster left? 

J: After we left we spoke about the experience on our way to our cars.

H: We parked near each other so I walked to his car with him, we gave each other a hug, and we went our separate ways. 

What was the best part of the date and why? 

J: The best part of the date was getting to meet someone new, and gain experience learning about what I’m looking for in a potential partner.

H: The best part of the date was the food. The nachos were really good and the drinks were good. And he was nice. 

Would you have changed anything about the date?

J: Probably not the venue I would have picked, I was pleased with the food, but would’ve liked a normal burger or stir fry instead of the imitation options. Though I did get some regular Chicken for my meal.

H: Probably the location since neither of us are vegan. I would have preferred to have a fatty steak or something. 

Was there a goodnight kiss, hug, or exchange of numbers? 

J: We exchanged numbers for the possibility of being friends and sharing all the cool places in and around Denver.

H: He asked for my number and I gave it to him. I have no intention of hanging out with him again but I gave him a hug and said goodbye. 

Will there be a second date? 

J: I don’t expect there will be a second date.

H: No. Hard no. But I wish him the best. 

Any advice for future blind daters? 

J: Go in without any expectations. Be your authentic self and have a good time. It was a new and fun experience!

H: No, just have fun! I’m happy I did it. It was a good experience and my coworkers now have more shit to give me. 

Conclusion: 

Although it wasn’t a match, we are sure that Haley will always cherish her 3D-printed rose as a memento to the delicious ‘queso’ nachos. As for Joseph, we’re sure there’s a lucky lady out there for him somewhere. And if not, he can always 3D print himself a girlfriend. At the very least, we’re able to settle a year’s long debate in the Rooster office: Is it weird to bring a girl a flower on a first date? No, especially if it’s one that never dies. Take notes, fellas!

Are you single? Do you like free food and drinks and meeting new people? Click HERE to sign up for a Rooster Blind Date!