Lindsey Looselips solves your sex drive differences and racist porn habits
My girlfriend’s sex drive is significantly lower than mine. Is our relationship doomed?
My sex therapists say that mismatched libidos destroy a lot of relationships. But it’s not the sexual frustration and throbbing blue balls that ultimately lead to breakup — it’s the mountain of animosity that builds with all the begging, bargaining, nagging and guilt-tripping.
On the surface of a sex drive discrepancy, it often seems that the partner with the higher sex drive suffers most. You repeatedly offer your intimacy to your loved one, and they turn their nose up at your genitals like the gas station sushi that made them shit their brains out. You’re made to feel unattractive, unwanted and so desperate for sexual gratification that you turn the toilet paper roll into an impromptu Fleshlight and end up with cardboard splinters.
However, the partner with the lower sex drive endures their own fair share of misery. They’re consistently pressured by their loved one, which leads to guilt and anxiety. When they’re compelled to suck it up and go for it, they feel their desires are secondary to their partner’s excessive need to get off, which leads to resentment.
Neither partner should feel at fault for a sex drive discrepancy. Sometimes there are temporary hump-time hurdles, such as stress, lack of sleep, body issues or internal shame. But many times, there’s a long-term, natural difference in libidos, and it’s not necessarily better or healthier to want a lot or a little sex.
Instead of playing the blame game, communicate and collaborate on meeting one another’s needs. Create an environment conducive to bonking by empathizing and alleviating pressure on your partner, allowing them the comfort to express their desire when they’re in the mood and permission to say no when they’re not.
Is it racist that I only want to watch porn with actors/actresses of my same race?
The irony of your question is that most PC babies would actually cry the opposite: that it’s racist to watch interracial porn. The adult industry is shameless in its use of racial stereotypes and slurs. But the industry shifts blame onto viewers — they say every porno with a big black cock, submissive Asian schoolgirl, or thick-ass saucy Latina — is the result of consumer demand.
Of course, avoiding interracial porn doesn’t mean you’re jerking off for social justice. More likely, you have a ‘type’ of person you’re attracted to in your dating life, and are applying those same preferences to your dates with your left hand.
The tragedy of your narrow-minded masturbation habits is that you’re missing a priceless opportunity to experiment with new fantasies. Porn is like the Golden Corral of erotic exploration, allowing you to sample different flavors of fornication from an all-you-can-eat buffet of ages, ethnicities and storylines. I’d encourage you to take advantage of this sexual smorgasbord and soon enough, you’ll find yourself savoring the bukkake of a dozen different ethnicities.
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