Man accidentally shoots himself in nuts, becomes king of anti-gun-safety group, “Loaded Guns Pointed at [B]enis”
“Hey [b]ois, I might have fucked up”
Guns are extremely dangerous.
That’s not to say they aren’t fun to shoot (or to own) but it certainly is to say that you shouldn’t point a loaded one at your junk — lest you accidentally blow your balls off.
That should go without saying. But America 2020 is a bizarre corner of time and space that’s only getting weirder as the days pass by. We’ve had a global pandemic, world-wide civil unrest, UFO government disclosure, massive explosions, wildfires, and we’re quickly approaching a presidential election between a cartoonishly divisive game show host, and a lackluster B-grade politician suffering from early onset dementia.
America-at-large has never seemed dumber or more confused.
That’s a fact that’s starting to wear on many Americans. People are on edge, they’re anxious, bored, stressed out and ready to snap at any opportunity. They’re going to extreme lengths to ruffle each other’s feathers — so extreme that, well, sometimes they backfire. Right into your unsuspecting ball-sack. And you end up in the hospital, getting your torn and bleeding scrotum stitched up by some judgmental doctor, while the world rips you apart on social media.
It sounds like parody, but in fact it was a terrible reality for one Facebook man, who, in an alleged attempt to stick it to responsible gun owners everywhere, pointed a loaded .45 caliber semi-automatic pistol at his own testicles, and accidentally (though, perhaps, not surprisingly) pulled the trigger.
It’s part of a new Facebook trolling group, called “Loaded Guns Pointed at [B]enis." The group, dedicated to mocking responsible gun ownership, is full of pictures and videos of people holding loaded guns pointed directly at their genitals. It was a satirical affront to everything responsible gun owners try to uphold when handling these deadly weapons: fingers were on the trigger, safeties were off, and they were aiming point blank at something they surely didn’t intend to shoot.
Instead, though, this video became a testament to why, exactly, responsible gun ownership is so goddamned important.
There’s a video of the incident embedded below — but let me warn viewers: it is not for the faint of heart.
“Hey [b]ois, I might have fucked up,” the man posted after the incident, attached to a photo of himself, towel between his legs, bleeding on the floor.
He followed that up several minutes later (despite the immense pain that we can all imagine he must have been feeling at the time) to update the world on his developing medical situation.
“God’s caliber [.45] went through my scrotum, mattress, boxspring, and floor,” he commented under the video, explaining that, at first, he’d naively thought that his scrotus-maximus had only been grazed. However, karma didn’t let him off quite so easy.
“Turns out it wasn’t a graze, that round went right the fuck through me,” he continued. “What I thought were two graze wounds, turned out to be an entrance and exit wound.”
He’d punched a hole straight through his sack-skin. He was lucky not to have cleared away his gems entirely (a .45 caliber bullet is large enough to take a fully-grown man’s arm off at the elbow). However, he needed medical attention — which he got relatively fast, his posts reveal.
No matter how you feel about this explosive display of irresponsible gun-ownership, it must be recognized at least for the record, that this man took the whole affair like a champion. He maintained his sense of humor even through a nightmare as terrible as shooting yourself in the scrotum. And he even went to work the next day, reporting that he was “100% fine.”
It was a legendary ordeal. One which did not go unrecognized by the community of people who’d been hanging onto his every post. The Facebook group “Loaded Guns Pointed at [B]enis” was so impressed, amused and entertained by the ordeal, they dubbed this man their King.
Sometimes, stupidity is rewarded in strange ways.
But at least we can all rest easy, under the likely assumption that this man, this brave, stupid man, will likely never bear children — will hopefully never bear children. Evolution has a funny way of working itself out.