If it's not called "Double Trouble," we're going to be PISSED.

If it's not called "Double Trouble," we're going to be PISSED.

The man in question, whose name is obviously DoubleDickDude, has written a tell-all memoir about his condition and lifestyle, giving simpletons like us and you a glimpse into the overstuffed vagina that is his world.

DoubleDickDude has more dicks than you because he was either cursed or blessed with diphallia, a rare medical condition with only around 100 confirmed reports since its discovery in 1609. It affects one out of every five and a half million boys in the United States.

But despite his condition, both his penises are able to function independently on their own, much like strong millennial women who post Elite Daily articles about why they love being single. As you can imagine, that might lead to some interesting sex. 

… Interesting sex that DoubleDickDude is very happy to share with you. In is Reddit AMA from early last year, he told us he's stuck them both in the same hole, fucked two girls at once, and had a girl and a guy go down on him at the same time. It's the stuff that post-Thanksgiving-dinner dreams are made of.

Also, because we're psychic and can read your mind, yes, he pees out of both of them. Yes, he has a favorite: his right dick. No, they don't always get hard at the same time.

In fact, "It always starts that way," he said. "The left one starts to get semi first, then stops at a certain point. Right one then gets rock hard, and if I'm horny enough the left one will continue to stiffen up and get bigger. Once or twice, with a cock ring on, they've both been equally rock hard." They both come at the same time, though not at the same speed

"If you're working on the left one you have to suck it out," he said. "The right one launches every time." Now that's a penis you can trust. Right for President.

As you can imagine, his memoir is probably pretty interesting. And while it doesn't have the title we hoped it did, it's not a bad one: “Double Header: My Life With Two Penises." He penned it because the public had questions that weren’t answered in the AMA session, which drew more than 17,000 comments.

“Before I was ‘DoubleD***Dude,’ no one cared about what I had to say,” he told Rolling Stone. “Since then, I’ve been able to help people who felt alone or lost. I’ve gotten so many messages from people who need encouragement for one thing or another.”

Bless you, DoubleDickDude. Your story is an inspiration to us all.