Americans sure have come a long way since this country was founded. Hell, it wasn’t even 350 years ago that our ancestors were setting young women aflame in lakes and blaming anything that they didn’t understand on witchcraft.

Was it a black spot on our record? Sure. But at least now, in 2022, we as a culture and species have evolved past that. At least now, in 2022, we no longer blame disliked actions on metaphysical forces that we can’t even prove are real. At least now, in 2022, we don’t have people that we’ve elected into office likening supreme court decisions that have been in affect for 50 years to victories for the devil, right?

Enter everyone’s favorite Georgia Representative and who we still swear is part lizard, Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Contrary to popular belief, Greene’s a great politician due to her amazing ability to be featured in headlines every 48 hours. We shit you not when we tell you that we can’t write about her ridiculous antics fast enough before she goes and one-ups her asinine statements from days prior.

Seriously, Greene has blamed so much political discourse on the devil in the last two weeks, she pretty much single-handedly got “Satan” to trend on twitter.

Last week, Greene claimed she left the Catholic church due to it being overrun by the devil. This week, Greene allegedly wept upon finding out that the Supreme Court may have intentions to overturn Roe v Wade, the historic 1970s ruling on abortion, calling the possibility a “Victory for God.”

Then, she doubled down on her ridiculous statements when she said that Satan manipulates women into getting abortions.

According to an article from Business Insider, Greene said that “It’s whispered, softly and gently into your ears and your soul…” whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

“The Georgia Rep. said that Satan tells women ‘it's okay’ to get an abortion and in exchange promises them ‘all these dreams that you have in your heart. And that's how Satan sells a sin, and that's how he sells abortion. He tells a woman that all you have to do is you're just going to go to this clinic, just going to get it over with, you know,’” reads the article.

It’s almost genius, because every time Greene makes a statement resembling a two-year-old telling you a story while out of breath, she draws attention away from what really matters, such as how she was recently accused of lying days ago in the hearing for the Jan. 6 insurrection.

If you take one moral away from this article (besides that the people we elect into office are all morons) make it this: to constantly change the narrative throughout the days of the week because nobody can keep up with the amount of ridiculous things you say is a tremendous political strategy, and we highly recommend it to you should you ever find yourself launching an electoral campaign with a bunch of reptiles.