Want sexual enlightenment, but only have time for a quickie? Every week, we recap the most interesting sex headlines from around the world.

1. The CDC reminds people not to reuse condoms, because apparently it's a problem. Although we’ve never done it ourselves, it’s easy to imagine that some people recycle rubbers because they have one special condom that’s lucky, reliable, or a family heirloom. Just be sure to turn it inside out and shake vigorously before reuse.

2. Millennials don’t have homes. They don’t have kids. They don’t get married until a ripe old age. To make up for all the responsibilities and relationships missing from their lives, they become plant addicts, according to the Los Angeles Times. The feature asserts that plants help youngsters find solace in lives devoid of spouses and children.

3. An 84-year-old gardener begs drunk men to please stop having sex with his bush. Keith Tyssen has been growing and trimming his naked lady hedge, named “Gloria,” for nearly 40 years. Lately, he’s often being woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of hooligans humping his beloved Gloria. He’s now worried that if the vandalism doesn’t end, he’ll have to get rid of her.

4. When some Android phone users type the words “sit on,” the devices suggest “my face” might be the next thing they’d like to type. The issue came to light after one user complained on Twitter that a text message for his babysitter "Hey! Are you free to sit" had an autocomplete of "on my face." Babysitter Sits on my Face would be a successful PornHub title, but a pretty damning piece of evidence in divorce court. Google is currently working on a fix for its perverted autocomplete.

5. Parents prefer uglier husbands for their daughters, new research shows. A study of 600 parents and young people found that given the choice between an ugly wealthy man and a handsome wealthy man, mom and dad want their daughter to pick the unattractive spouse. This is in stark contrast to what parents want for their sons: the sexiest wife possible, regardless of income.

6. One by one, leaders of the NXIVM sex cult are getting thrown behind bars. The latest arrested is Clare Bronfman, a filthy-rich heiress to the Seagram’s liquor fortune. Bronfman is accused of helping NXIVM’s founder and leader, Keith Raniere, exercise control over members of the group and helping coerce followers into becoming “slaves” to senior members..

7. British women aren’t having good sex — even with all those sexy accents — according to a survey of 7,500 women from Public Health England. English ladies are most sexually hampered by unhappiness in their relationships, STI diagnoses, and difficulty communicating with their romantic partners.

8. Intentionally exposing others to HIV is no longer a felony in California. Lawmakers have passed legislation to reduce the penalty for those who knowingly or intentionally expose others to HIV without their knowledge, rolling back a law that mostly affected sex workers.  The law lowers the charges for these acts from a felony to a misdemeanor.

9. Buzzfeed News explores why some guys like jerking off together. The author explains that mutual masturbation is a popular practice in the gay community, both in private and in public. “[Me and my jerk-off buddy] get together every few months and masturbate,” he explains. “Sometimes we get a little stoned, sometimes we watch porn; afterward we usually catch up about friends or jobs or other plans.” He describes it as “like going to dinner.”