Life advice from comedian Mike Stanley.

My parents think I’m a loser because I smoke weed. Should I teach them about the benefits or let them have their opinion?
Your parents sound like narcs. Are they narcs? If you ask them they have to tell you. It’s the law! Also are they your parents? If you ask them they HAVE TO TELL YOU!  They sound old and crotchety. I doubt you could change their minds. Live your life, man. Spark it up.

My wife wants to name our baby, boy or girl, Moon. I’m afraid they will be made fun of. How do I stop this?
Not to be the bearer of bad news but, you are also having a baby. I digress. This is what happens when you watch too much of The Witcher or smoke too much DMT. I’d say ‘Ok, but I get to pick the middle name.’ Then offer up Shine, Walker or Over-My-Hammy as the options she can choose from. Fair is fair!

My friends are pressuring me with this, ‘New Year, New You’ BS and I’m terrified. What’s the best workout for someone who’s never worked out in their life?
Honestly, it’s not going to make a difference if you don’t change your diet. No sugar, low carbs, start walking places or get a bike. Small changes first. Holy shit did I just give a real piece of advice?! I think I did! Another option is meth. Watch the pounds melt away along with your teeth! See … I ruined it.

How do I ask a girl on a dating app to show me a picture of herself without a filter without seeming totally shallow?
Ask if they’re comfortable if you follow them on social media. Always look at the photos they’re tagged in. That’s the mutant you’re dealing with. Also, check Google for mugshots. Play it safe out there!

MIKE KNOWS BEST

“Even after 20 years, gun to my head, I couldn’t tell you what a single Pearl Jam song is about.”