Eastern Block ‘Wock’
Sometimes musical success is found in the least likely of places. Oftentimes, one line and a leaked clip is all it takes to reach that mountain. Lil Yachty—once a pioneer of the SoundCloud generation of rappers—has struggled in recent years to recapture the spark of relevancy. Suddenly a snippet of the Atlanta talent rapping about taking a bottle of Wockhardt to Poland. Wockhardt (commonly referred to as ‘wock’) is a popular drink of choice for rappers who need to shake that pesky head cold. There’s no rhyme or reason for the song's theme—Yachty even admitted in an interview that he hasn’t yet “taken the wock to Poland,” and that he was inspired in the studio when he noticed his friend drinking a bottle of Poland Springs water. He put two-and-two together, rushed to release an unfinished song, and shot up the charts faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck. When asked if he had plans to follow through on his codeine-infused trip to Poland, he replied, “nah, but now I got to.” Personally, we advise against bringing drugs to eastern Europe. So would Brittany Griner.
BTS: Locked and Loaded
Fans of BTS—a worldwide megastar boy band hailing from South Korea—refer to themselves as “ARMY.” Whether it’s showing out at concerts to record the group’s entire performance, or spattering insults at middle-aged white men in defense of their favorite member on Twitter, the ARMY will seemingly die for the seven-piece collective. Now, it seems BTS may have to die for them. It was revealed that they’re fulfilling their mandatory military service; a commitment required by South Korea. Because of this, BTS will be on Hiatus until 2025. And who knows where the world will be in three years!
“Love” & Hip-Hop
Before you complain to your friends about how awful your ex-hubby was, just remember, Blueface and Chrisean Rock exist. In the past month-or-so alone, Rock was filmed whooping Blueface’s ass, Blueface was filmed whooping Rock’s father’s ass, they broke up, got back together again, then Rock leaked a video of them fucking, Blueface filmed himself cheating, and—you guessed it—they broke up again. The pair also announced a reality TV show starring themselves, titled Crazy in Love (clever, actually). To top it all off, Rock most recently uploaded images of her new neck tat: a portrait of ex-boyfriend Blueface's face, bringing her collection of Blueface-face tattoos to seven (not a typo—SEVEN). The world’s worst celebrity couple began making headlines early this year, when Rock reportedly stole Blueface's G-Wagon and went rogue, eventually getting caught by authorities in Oklahoma, where they found copious amounts of cocaine on her person. There’s a message buried deep within the confines of the three-ring shit show: you can fix relationships, heck, you can even fix bad relationships, but remember—you can’t fix stupid.