My partner and I are too busy to find time to bone. Should we start scheduling sex?
Hell yes — prioritizing physical intimacy is essential. Unfortunately, there are lots of misconceptions around the idea of scheduled sex. Some people argue that sex needs to be spontaneous. Sex may be impulsive at the start of a new relationship, when watching your partner lick Cheeto dust off their fingers made you fantasize about their cheesy orange tongue stroking your genitals. But couples in long-term relationships often find that waiting until they’re both “in the mood” is a recipe for celibacy. You can exercise more control over your sex life by embracing responsive desire: deciding to engage in sexual touch before you’re turned on, and finding that arousal emerges along the way. You stimulate your body first and allow your mind to follow.
Start by scheduling sex once a week. Studies show couples have happier relationships when they achieve a weekly ass-tapping. Maintain variety by keeping an open mind about what types of intimacy are involved — penetrative sex is as predictable as your partner perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer you need to open. For couples with mismatched libidos, sex appointments take initiation and rejection out of the equation. They allow you to prepare physically/mentally and savor the anticipation. So take out your calendar, draw a dick-and-balls on your Friday night, and start counting down the days.