This whole "sandwich artist" thing isn't gonna pan out anyway, so it's time to trade up. 

We've all thought about it. We've analyzed our sexual ability, polled our ex-lovers and decided we should go pro. But before you sprint out and get that bikini wax, you'll need to crunch some numbers first. Can you make enough to cover rent? If you deliver and/or receive the D for a 9 to 5, will you have to go back to a steady diet of ramen noodles and water? 

Thankfully, the hardworking reporters over at CNBC have done the dirty work for you, detailing what your favorite actors (and behind-the-scenes heroes) make for making those skin flicks. 

Obviously, ladies make a lot more money, because they're beautiful and talented.

Tons of cash, right? In fact, it's a perfect way to expand your personal brand, as there are a lot of porno stars that have expanded their business of gettin' plowed into multi-million dollar empires. Here's what the top female stars are worth:

Sorry, but she looks like a bulldog. 

Yeah, we'd never heard of that Japanese girl either. 

The thing that really caught our eye is the amount a "Porn Writer" could make. Not only are we surprised that porn even has writers, but also that most of here are writers — and that's a shitload of cash for writing some flimsy plot about a girl who can't pay for the pizza she irresponsibly ordered. We may have found our calling … 

And while the numbers look interesting, men get the short end of the stick (so to speak). With bros, there's no pay differential depending on the sex act. Generally, dudes receive a fixed amount per scene or day, depending on how the shoot was booked. And while there are a few top tier actors, such as Manuel Ferrara, who command top dollar, most earn considerably less. In general, males average $500-$600 per scene or day. Better known male performers can earn $700-$900; superstars up to $1,500.

The thing that really scares us is the rumor that male porn stars have to work their way up through the ranks of gay porn before they can act in the straight stuff. We might need a better agent.