In the last year, celebrities have been dropping like flies. We actually left Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan out of our predictions last year, only for them to kick the bucket. The only person we nailed on the head this year was Jimmy Carter, and we’ll be damned if that wasn’t brought up to every stranger we met in an elevator for the last twelve months. Here’s our predictions for this year.

Bob Dylan
Yeah, that’s right. We’re officially tripling down on Bob Dylan. We’re in too deep to back out now, so expect to see the guy on these lists for the remaining years of his life until he kicks it. Dylan even announced a tour in 2026, but the last time we saw him on stage, he looked like a bag of bones grabbed all the spare hair out of the shower drain and wore it as a hat, so excuse us if we don’t have the utmost faith in his life expectancy.

Joe Biden
For a couple weeks before our great-grandfather passed, we noticed that not only was he frequently falling asleep in public outings, but that he had a hard time articulating sentences or making any sense when he spoke. Now, with that in mind, consider the fact that Joe Biden’s been doing that for the last ten years. Trust us, the time is nigh.

Clint Eastwood
This one pains us to write, and if we had to guess after watching his movies, we’d wager Clint Eastwood is actually impossible to kill. However, the dude is 95, and we think it’s a safe bet to throw him up here.

Ariana Grande
Our girlfriend dragged us to that new Wicked movie and by god, Ariana Grande looks like a stiff breeze would blow her over. We’ve seen less prominent bone structure in T-bone steaks, which she could really stand to eat. We can’t blame a girl raised in the land of Hollywood, impossible beauty standards and eating disorders, but if this chick doesn’t eat a Snickers ASAP, we think she might be cooked.

Bruce Willis
There’s nothing funny about this one, and we kind of think Bruce Willis has been declining for a hot minute. We just hope that, when the guy goes, he dies hard, and possibly with a vengeance.