When we say “their scientific research,” we mean the research that’s being done on marmots, but if you also pictured a little marmot in a lab coat, well, congratulations, we like the way you think.
Researchers from the Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory recently revealed a bracket-style competition to discover which marmot is the thiccest of them all. That’s cute, right? What’s even better than a fat marmot contest is the fact that earlier this summer, researchers launched an OnlyFans page for marmots. Not only is this arguably the wildest thing we’ve written this year, but we’re not sure what jokes we’re allowed to make at this point. Kinkshaming is wrong, and we’re trying to be on the right side of history here, but we also think it’s highly problematic to sexualize marmots in our society.
In a June Instagram post, the Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory said that funding was so bad, that they were turning to OnlyFans. The page, titled “OnlyMarms” went on to promise subscribers uncensored marmot content. At the end of the day, this one act says more about the state of our nation than many realize. If you have any doubts on how much scientific funding has been cut in this country over the last year, just think about how marmots are being forced to commercialize and objectify their own bodies in the pursuit of research funding.
