A Man and His Killer Cock
Though it’s been deemed illegal in India since the 1960s, cockfighter Saripalli Chanavenkateshwaram Rao managed to get himself killed by his fighting rooster en route to an underground match. The rooster somehow sliced Rao’s neck with one of the razorblades attached to its claw after trying to escape its cage. Man, YouPorn has really gotten creative with those niche fetishes …

Would You Rather? 
A 24-year-old man says he was shot through his driver’s side window after refusing to buy weed from another man who was standing outside a convenience store during the early morning hours on Detroit’s east side. No word yet on whether Pfizer plans to implement the “buy our drugs or die” sales strategy moving forward.

Bungling Blackface Burglar
Cameron James Kennedy, 26, was charged with robbery in March after an anonymous tip helped police identify him as the man who robbed a local casino in blackface, according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal. When asked what he’ll do after prison, Kennedy said, “Donno, maybe be Canada’s Prime Minister or something.”

Priestly Duties
After denying democratic Rhode Island state lawmakers Catholic communion for their decision to back an abortion rights bill, Reverend Richard Bucci defended his actions by saying, “ … pedophilia doesn't kill anyone and this does.” Okay! New apology card idea: “Hey sorry I slept with your roommate but at least I didn’t kill anyone?