Rooster's Strange Year in Review and Predictions of What's to Come
Peering into the crystal-tin-foil-ball.
2022 was one hell of a year for conspiracies. The lab origin theory for COVID was all-but accepted by the mainstream. Ghislaine Maxwell was sentenced to 20 years for pimping out teenage girls to princes, presidents, billionaires, scientists and dignitaries. The Queen “died.” Joe Biden fell off a bike. Vladamir Putin started a war because, fuck it, why not throw gasoline on this batshit crazy fire?
So much is all happening so fast. It’s hard for a monthly conspiracy column — even one as sharply honed, finely tuned, plugged in and amped up as this one — to keep up with everything.
Which is why, every year I take a look back at another strange year in review. What happened that we didn’t get to cover in the Juan Wilder Files?
And this year we aren’t just playing catch-up. We’re taking this opportunity to get ahead of the news cycle. We’re looking forward, into Rooster’s crystal-tin-foil-ball, to predict some of the coming year’s biggest, juiciest, most implicative conspiracies that haven’t happened yet.
How’s that for ground-breaking journalism? We aren’t just speculating about current events and theorizing on the cynical motivations of the shadow government elite, anymore. Now we’re venturing into the realm of clairvoyant conjecture.
Strange Year: in Review
The Nord Stream Pipeline
Maybe you heard, maybe you didn’t. But back in September something called the “Nord Stream Pipeline” unexpectedly exploded underwater because of some unfortunately placed explosives. The Nord Stream would have supplied Europe with natural gas from Russia. Now Europe—specifically Germany—won’t have energy this winter. Of course our media has pointed its fingers at Vlad the Putin, claiming he blew up his own pipeline. But that narrative overlooks one critical fact: Putin could have always just turned off the Nord Stream Pipeline. He doesn’t benefit from destroying that.
Who does? Well, now, the US will have to supply European countries with natural gas. Funny. Especially in light of Joe Biden’s own words. Asked in February what we’d do about the Nord Stream Pipeline if Russia invaded Ukraine, the president responded, “We will bring an end to it.”
The Delayed UFO Report
Did you know that in October the US was supposed to receive a massive report on UFO’s? It was mandated in the 2022 Defense Bill that the Department of National Intelligence (DNI) needed to provide an annual declassified update on the unexplained aerial phenomenon (be it birds, planes, Chinese or aliens) on Oct. 31 of every year through 2026. What happened to 2022’s? Great question. Bigwigs at the DNI kept pulling strings and delaying it. Until everyone forgot about it and now, we’ll likely never see it.
We couldn’t not bring up the ads. The ones that featured toddlers holding teddy bears in sex-bondage, in front of a table with BDSM toys, with court documents from a child pornography case placed carefully on a table. As far as we know, founder Cristóbal Balenciaga had no ties to Jeffery Epstein, nor does his brand sell anything on Wayfair. So what gives? Ask Ye. The brand sponsored him for years.
Strange Year: To Come Crypto-currency Collapse, Government Takeover
Crypto-currency developer Nikolai Mushegian was found drowned on a beach days after tweeting, “CIA and Mossad and pedo elite are running some kind of sex trafficking entrapment blackmail ring out of Puerto Rico and caribbean islands.” Tiantian Kullander, founder of a global crypto-currency digital asset company, died mysteriously in his sleep at the ripe age of 30. Russian crypto-billionaire Vyacheslav Taran was killed in an unexplained helicopter crash. All of them died in November 2022.
Juan’s Prediction: The Powers that Be are organizing an overthrow of crypto-currencies. They’re strategically taking out players and weakening public trust in the system. The US will roll out its own digital dollar, and do everything it can to undermine digital coins that are not in its control. Then, once the public switches to a crypto-USD, they could simply turn off your access to money whenever they wanted to.
Yeezy Gets Epsteined
This is not a coax or goad. If you’re reading this, Kanye, don’t do it. (Also, watch your back.) Kanye has been making a lot of noise this year, about Hitler, jews, pedophiles in office, Parler, his ex-wife, running for president. It’s a lot to take in.
Juan’s prediction: If he’s telling the truth about half of what he’s saying, he’s going to commit sucide a la Jeffey Epstein. If he’s not, then he’s legitimately going crazy and might do the deed himself. One way or another, Yeezy is not long for this world.