To your regular average Joe, the word “Salida” is just a word that marks the way out of your local Mexican restaurant. But to Coloradans such as ourselves, the word Salida means “some of the coolest outdoors shit you can do in Colorado.” 

Located just two and a half hours southwest of Denver, Salida is one of our favorite mountain towns that still serves our income bracket (we’re looking at you, Vail, Aspen and Telluride.) Here’s a guide to all the things to do during your next weekend getaway to Salida, Colorado.

» Tenderfoot Mountain

If you’ve ever been to Salida, you’ll know that there’s a big mountaina overlooking the town with a gigantic fucking “S” on the side. If you’re like us, maybe you’re wondering if the “S” stands for Santana, because you’re at a brewery writing this travel piece four beers deep and they played “Black Magic Woman” earlier, but alas, it could stand for Sex Pistols or Sublime, for all we know.

Anyways, this mountain is known as Tenderfoot Mountain, and the hiking and mountain biking here is pretty great. There’s a lookout tower at the top that offers a phenomenal view of the town. The last time we were in that lookout tower, we hit our buddy’s vape pen so hard we nearly threw up, but we digress.

» Monarch Scenic Tramway

The Monarch Scenic Tramway is this kickass gondola that takes you up nearly 1,000 feet of elevation to the top of the Continental Divide. We don’t care how many times you’ve skied Copper or Steamboat, you’re never too cool for a gondola ride. For $22, you could see five different mountain ranges from the top of Monarch Ski Resort, which is a metric fuckload of mountain ranges. In classic Colorado fashion, you can even bring your dog on the tramway, too. You can’t bring skis or bikes with you on the tram, so if you’re like us and started to get some bright ideas, we’re sorry to tell you that you’ll have to earn your turns.

» Woods High Mountain Distillery

Unfortunately, we don’t drink hard liquor anymore after a large amount of tequila forced out a plethora of bottled emotions during our former college roommates destination wedding in 2023. But before all that happened, we swung by Woods High Mountain Distillery and were blown away. We’re no connoisseur, of course, and we’d be lying if we told you that all whiskeys and gins didn’t taste the same to us after our fifth one, but between the distillery being located in historic downtown Salida, and the fact that they use one of the oldest stills in commercial operation, we were thoroughly impressed with the cut of their jib.

» Hallmark Ranch Alpaca Farm

Just north of Salida is the Hallmark Ranch Alpaca Farm, and just like how you’re never too cool for a gondola ride, you’re also never too cool to pet an alpaca. Do you know the difference between an alpaca and a llama? So picture a llama that lost 200 pounds and then got one of those annoying broccoli fade haircuts that every college white boy has right now. Congratulations, you just pictured an alpaca. Look it up on your phone right now and tell us that we’re wrong.

The ranch asks that you call ahead before you come visit, and unfortunately, they regret to inform you that due to recent sales, they don’t have as many alpacas as they once did. That’s no fleece of our ass, of course, because we would shave off our eyebrows and drive to the ends of the Earth just for the chance to pet one of those fluffy-lookin’ motherfuckers.