The musical backdrop of Valetine's eve is all-important when it comes to taking the sex you're about to have from meh to magical. That's why we've created a playlist for all the different types of sex you could have on February 14th, whether it's passionate, slow sex with your true love, or drunk, ridiculous sex with what's-his-name from that place you were just at. So dim the lights, press 'play' on your e-phone, and allow us to set the mood for your special night.

The musical backdrop of Valentines' eve is all-important when it comes to taking the sex you're about to have from meh to magical. That's why we've created a playlist for all the different types of sex you could have on February 14th, whether it's passionate, slow sex with your true love, or drunk, ridiculous sex with what's-his-name from that place you were just at. So dim the lights, press 'play' on your e-phone, and allow us to set the mood for your special night.

(Disclaimer: you need Spotify, so get with the times and download it. Yes, yes, it's free.)

Slow, Romantic Sex

You've lit the candles, sprinkled the rose petals, and you're ready to transcend the boundaries of human intimacy with incredibly slow, passionate sex with someone you're deeply in love with (or at least someone who looks like them). We're guessing there will be lots of staring into each other's eyes, caressing of faces, and other romantic shit that makes single people puke.

Kinky Sex

You're laying on the bed, handcuffed to the bedposts and your partner is dripping hot wax on your chest. The musical accompaniment to your BDSM session is gritty, throbbing, and sexy, just like your partner, who is wearing a paper bag over their head with a mouth-hole cut-out. To you, sex is about experimentation, submission and domination, and maybe a little bit of pain and humiliation thrown in there. To you, romance is whipping your sex slave for not sucking your toes like you told her to.

Old School Sex

You call sex "making love." You wait until the 14th date to get it on, because you like to get to know someone before showing their genitalia a good time. You're real old school, and you get a kick out of 90's nostalgia. You're classic, timeless, and sensual. You probably write a lot of love letters, which you send through USPS because you still haven't figured out email, and you didn't lose your virginity until you were in college.

Revenge Sex

You've been scorned, and you're a) looking for revenge, and b) really horny. You take to the streets, looking to unleash your frustration on the most eligible human subject you can find, and when you find them, you're going to blow their f*cking mind. For you the sex will be a passionate emotional outlet, and your partner will probably end up tattooing your name on their bicep years later in a desperate attempt to ameliorate what you mean to them psychologically. That'll show so-and-so who's boss. Works for make-up sex too, because we care about your delicate intricacies.

Crazy, Drunk, One-Night Stand Sex

You don't have a valentine. You have many valentines because you're single, saying you love it but secretly wishing you weren't alone, and on the prowl for some ass tonight. The only connection you're looking to make is the connection between Tab A abd Slot B, whatever the hell that means. You're also very drunk.