It's science, damn it!

It happens to the best of us. You're noticeably thirsty and miserably sober. To fix this, you pour out a beer — into a glass because you're not a monster — and the thing foams up like that one time your deadbeat roommate Brad put Dawn in the dishwasher because he clearly has had no strong female leads in his life as role models …

So you sit, and sit, and wait, and cry. This is the point where college comes in handy, because most of us who've been know the foam trick well, where you simply take a few fingers and rub them around your face to extract some of the oils. Then, you lightly swish them in the foam and watch it dissipate. Gross, sure, but you've done worse in the 21 years you've been alive. It's science, and it works.

But why does face-funk actually alleviate the symptoms of a foamy beer?

First, let's try to understand what it is. When you pour out a beer, trapped nitrogen and/or carbon dioxide try to get out. As it does, proteins from the grain used to make the beer form around it, creating a strange bubble with multiple personalities. On the one side, the bubble is repelled by water, on the other, it's attracted to it. Keep in mind as this is happening, that the strength of the proteins depend on the grains the brewer used — which is why dark beers tend to have tougher, longer lasting heads.

Where does your dirty-ass finger come into the equation? It's all pretty simple science from this point forward. Oil and water don't mix, they hate each other. Like you and Brad because he ruined the dishwasher and bailed on rent. The surface tension of the bubbles are broken down by the oil, thus making your life far less sober than what it once was.

Having a finger with oil on it is all based on convenience. You could do the same thing with a stick of butter or olive oil, but chances are you'd ruin the flavor of the beer or waste far more time going to the store to buy it than you would just sitting there and waiting.

Don't discount that head just yet, however. Many brewers agree that's where the aromatics keep best, and quickly dissolving yourself of it could ruin the experience. 

Just like you dissolved Brad that one weekend because he ruined your experience of life. Dude, fuck that guy.