17 fairly inappropriate one-liners for the holidays

17 fairly inappropriate one-liners for the holidays

CultureDecember 11, 2018 By Isabelle Kohn

So it's the holiday season and you've found yourself, once again, surrounded by family who is hoping to God that this year, you've outgrown the childish need to be showered with Christmas presents and wintertime cheer.

And there's no easier way to prove to them that they still need to make dentist appointments for you when you come home for the holidays than to hit them with one of these fairly inappropriate holiday-one liners. Thank us later after you get Nana's annual birthday check for a fat $50.

1. What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?

Limp Bizkit.

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2. Why did Santa send his daughter to college?

To keep her off the North Pole.

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3. What do you do with a penis on Christmas to avoid the second coming of Christ?

Wrap it up!

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4. Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

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5. Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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6. What do you call a camel under mistletoe?

Camel toe

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7. Why does Santa go to strip clubs?

To visit all the ho ho ho's.

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8. Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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9. Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for Christmas?

Because he was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

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10. What do female reindeer do when they want to have some fun?

They go into town and blow a few bucks.

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11. Why do elves laugh when they run?

Because the snow tickles their balls.

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12. Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?

Because the snow blower was coming down the block.

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13. This tree has more balls than your father.

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14. What do the Pope and Santa have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

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15. If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?

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16. If you jingle my bells I'll promise you a white Christmas.

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17. Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?

Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.