5 tips for a healthy relationship from our favorite sex therapist

5 tips for a healthy relationship from our favorite sex therapist

SexMarch 01, 2014

Dr. Jenni Skyler, director of The Intimacy Institute in Boulder, braved a chat with Rooster to drop knowledge for anyone questioning forced celibacy. Here are her 5 best tips for maintaining a healthy relationship.

1. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

The first rule of relationship fight club is respect each other. When attraction fails, which it will as old age kicks in and the love handles begin to expand, the true relationship bond will depend on how much you respect your partner. Whether it’s personality, heart, intelligence or the ability to sing in the shower, it’s important to find something to respect about your partner. You’re there for the person, not the profile. If you can’t show respect, then it’s not going to work.

2. Clear and Transparent Communication

If clear and honest transparency were easy, there wouldn’t be such things as secrets. Not having communication is not necessarily indicative of an unhealthy relationship, but a relationship where it’s safe to communicate with honesty is a healthier relationship. Ask yourself if you hesitate to speak the truth? If so, why? Not being able to admit nipple clamps and fuzzy cuffs are important to you signals a fear of what your partner might think. Invite your partner to know your fears — even if they are slightly awkward.

3. Mutual Goals

This explains your track record of deadbeats and social leeches. Most believe the proverbial relationship consists of emotional and sexual chemistry. What they’re neglecting to consider for a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal. Whether it’s political goals, raising a puppyor knocking over the local 7-Eleven, common goals create a bond that goes beyond just loving each other. Love, respect and mutual goals are necessary for any healthy relationship.

4. Sharing Intimacy

Face it, you’re never going to find someone who meets all of your needs unless you’re paying on a per-night basis. Life doesn’t work that way. Find what matters most to you, and share that with your partner. If you’re into technology, social events or bondage, bring your partner in on it to encourage sharing in your enjoyment of said activities. Thinking you need to be 100 percent compatible is unrealistic and will only lead to disappointment and cold showers on a Saturday night.

5. Being Healthy Yourself

Still deciding whether or not you want to run away and join the circus? Having trouble debating which fetish you want to dedicate yourself to? Thinking about going to church? Before you even begin to think about a relationship, it’s important you find out who you are yourself. Develop your own passions, life and goals so when you enter a relationship, you don’t get consumed by the other person and co-dependent. The last thing your partner wants is a lover suckling at the boob of dependence.