6 Reasons why hipsters are marrying themselves
As a show of self-empowerment, women around the country are slipping into elegant gowns, gathering a gang of bridesmaids, and marrying their one true soulmate — themselves.
Sologamy, as the practice is called, has recently begun inspiring a growing number of self-marriage ceremonies among young ladies who love themselves. These celebrations of self-confidence have been sprouting up in hip cities like Brooklyn and San Francisco, where entrepreneurs are attempting to capitalize on the trend.
The craze caught recognition after Erika Anderson, a writer based in Brooklyn, publicly married herself, bringing the spotlight onto her own sologamy services. Across the country in Oakland, CA, Sasha Cagen, founder of the quirkyalone movement to destigmatize being single, organized several self-marriages for self-assured women. From a San Francisco-based company called I Married Me, spouses can now buy sologamy ceremony kits, which include a wedding ring, vows, and daily affirmation cards.
For those who don’t understand why trendy ladies in hipster havens like Brooklyn and San Fran are tying the knot with themselves, we’ve compiled a list of all the benefits self-marriage has for our nation’s New Age non-conformists.
You can finally tell your barista you found the one
All too often, after you order your venti cold-brew coffee with soy milk, you and your barista bellyache about your love lives. She knows that you need a companion, and she’s been getting worried about you. At long last, you can tell her that you’ve finally found your soulmate. She might even offer a free chia seed acai granola bar as a congratulatory gift.
You can claim it’s your spouse who’s on a vegan non-GMO organic gluten-free diet so you don’t seem so high-maintenance
Every time you warn the Olive Garden waitress of your health restrictions, she rolls her eyes in annoyance. But you’ve worked hard to flush the toxins from your body, and you’re not going to contaminate your chakra now for endless soup, salad, and breadsticks. From here on out, you can deflect the blame onto your spouse and avoid those sighs of exasperation after you’ve spent the past 10 minutes placing your order.
Your spouse will never turn you down for sex
In a self-wed scenario, you’ll never have a moment of doubt about whether your spouse is in the mood. If you’re horny, you know your partner is too. Your miserable married friends complain about not getting enough action, and you just smirk — simply by masturbating, you have the most active married sex life of any of em. And it will always be sex with someone you love.
You always get to choose the TV channel
Yes, of course you’re going to watch Portlandia. And no one is going to argue that you’ve already seen this episode hundreds of times.
You can buy twice as much androgynous clothing from Urban Outfitters
There’s seemingly never enough gender-neutral outfits in your wardrobe. But now, you’ll have an excuse to stock up on androgynous sweaters, trousers, and blazers that don’t restrict your style into gender-specificity and consequently illustrate your social woke-ness.
You always cum at the same time
Gone are the days of disproportionate pleasure and unsynchronized orgasms. There has truly never been a marriage more sexually in-sync than your own.
Sologamy might be derided as the ultimate low in our self-obsessed culture. And there may even be a few downsides. How would you divorce yourself? What if you get tired of your spouse and want some time alone?
But the benefits clearly outweigh the drawbacks. So go ahead and marry yourself, hipster sisters. You’re worth it.