6 Recent news fails that prove humanity's imminent demise
Seek first to understand them, then quickly turn a blind eye. ...
People call 911 because Facebook won’t work
Police in Bothell, Washington, requested that residents please stop calling 911 to report they can’t log in to Facebook after the social network site went down for a few hours. During the outage, deprived citizens were seen milling around town telling random strangers about their lackluster half marathon times and showing everyone hand-drawn sketches of their lunch.
New app informs McDonald’s customers when McFlurry machine is broken
After years of customers complaining the fast-food giant’s soft-serve machines are constantly broken, a new app dubbed Ice Check is on the market to ease frustrations. It does so by informing users when the machines are down. However, if your only life excitement is getting notifications when a McFlurry is available, maybe the machine being down isn’t your biggest problem.
Wisconsin legislators approve bill making it legal for toddlers to hunt with guns
Under a new bill passed by the Wisconsin Assembly, residents of any age, even toddlers, can legally hunt in Wisconsin as long as a hunting mentor accompanies them. This law pretty much coincides with the current national gun laws, where if you shit your pants and know 20 words, you’ll pass a background check with flying colors.
Teacher fired for texting student: ‘your curves are spicy’
A Florida teacher had his licensed revoked last month after salacious text messages between him and his 15-year-old student surfaced containing the phrases “your curves are spicy” and “your eyes are so sexy.” The school superintendent called the acts despicable, or as Roy Moore would say, “another notch on the belt.”
Man asks for Donald Trump during police chase
When police questioned the marijuana smell coming from Eric Frydberg’s car, the young man quickly ate the bag of marijuana then proceeded to lead police on a 7-mile car chase. While on the run, Frydberg called the police operator asking them to reach the president, saying, “Donald Trump is a close friend of mine.” Is it bad that a small, small part of us believes this could be true?
Denver police have forgotten about people in their custody three times this year
Three Denver police officers were suspended after it was found they had forgotten about arrestees in temporary holding cells overnight — on three occasions. One woman in jail for unpaid traffic tickets was forgotten about for 13 hours and, being handcuffed, had to urinate on the floor. You can’t chalk this up to another lunch break in the cannabis evidence room.