6 sex festivals you should go to before your nuts and ovaries turn to dust

6 sex festivals you should go to before your nuts and ovaries turn to dust

SexNovember 24, 2014

Because sometimes, you just want to watch leather-clad porn stars perform an interpretative dildo dance right in front of your face.

Here are six sex festivals that think outside the bedroom.

>> Seattle Erotic Arts Festival

(Seattle, Washington)

Can't stop drawing penises? Then you'll love The Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. It's an entire three-day festival dedicated to sex art in all mediums, including film, installations, burlesque, erotic literature, and good old fashioned dick drawings. The festival climaxes with a kinky dance party called the Late Night Festival, where you can cease with the looking and commence with the touching. If you don't have a greater appreciation for art when the festival's over then,well, say hi to the other nuns at your convent for us.

>> HUMP! Film Festival

(Various locations)

Dan Savage curates this traveling XXX film festival, which bills itself as having the "sexiest, funnest, and most creative dirty movies in the world." Each year, the people at HUMP! challenge ordinary people from all over the country to become temporary porn stars-by making their own dirty, DIY short films, all of which are amateur, visually bonerific, and unlike anything you've seen on XHamster.  Finally: something for your mind, as well as your body, to jack off to.

Dates vary by city. Check here to see if HUMP! is cumming to a city near you.

>> Nudes-a-Poppin'

(Roselawn, Indiana)

For having what's unequivocally the worst name ever, this Indiana festival actually has a great concept: a world famous nude beauty pageant held at the Ponderosa Sun Club, where insanely hot females compete for the title of Miss Nude Galaxy. It's judged by none other than Ron Jeremy, who has nothing else going on these days, as well as a guy named "Tony" and another called "Batman Freak." But when naked ladies aren't cutting each other's throats for the sake of competition, the festival features plenty of auxiliary sexytimes to keep you interested such as exotic dancing, a wet t-shirt contest, a "Screaming O" competition, and a bunch of other random acts of nude lewdness to keep the blood pumping down south. Oh, and the entire thing is clothing-optional, which is great, because we just can't find a t-shirt that goes with our pubic lice.

>> Kutemajrvi Sex Festival 

(Kutemajrvi, Finland)

The Kutemajvri Sex Festival takes place in one of the world's most arousing locales: the minute, bucolic country town of Kangasniemi, Finland, population 5,000.  Each year, the country's foremost porn stars pack the sleepy town out, overtaking the place with live sex shows, strip competitions, exotic dancers, a sex toy expo, and the famous Aphrodite competition, a nude beauty pageant (people love their nude beauty pageants.) All that's fine and dandy, but the festival's got brains as well as boobs; it's also hailed as the world's most sophisticated of sex events, thanks to its professional lectures series on sex and sexuality from some of the world's top researchers. #Respect.

>> The Folsom Street Fair

(San Francisco, California)

San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair is the world's largest and in-chargest leather and fetish event, during which people from all over the world come to frolic, and occasionally fuck, in da streetz. Spread over 13 historic city blocks, it's pretty much like a summer block party on steroids, but instead of BBQs and busted fire hydrants, there's sex toy demonstrations, public floggings, bindings and gaggings, and more latex than you can shake a spanking paddle at. Hundreds of kinky exhibitor booths line the streets, and there's food and live music, to satiate you after you've worked up a voracious appetite spanking pigs. And, we're not not saying that you can't fuck in public at the Folsom Street Fair; it's infamous for its public acts of passion, so leave the kids, parents, pets, awkward friends, potential spouses and anyone else who isn't currently sporting a ball gag at home for this one.

>> Kinky Copenhagen

(Copenhagen, Denmark)

Because prostitution is legal in Denmark and weird sex is commonplace, those crazy Danes had to find a way to make sex taboo again. Enter Kinky Copenhagen, Denmark's insane annual kink carnival. With whips, chains, piercings, and strippers galore, it's a hedonist's wet-dream-come-true. Every imaginable fantasy and fetish has an event or expo at the festival, giving Kinky Copenhagen a reputation for representing the darker, more sinfully underbelly of deviant sexuality, so it's the place to be if you have a werewolf midget bondage fetish you want to see actualized. Mmm, tiny were-claws.