7 Painfully discouraging tales about online dating and how it's killing love
“The love of my life fucked me over. That’s why I’m on Tinder.” ~ Jonathan
Beginning this several month long journey, we knew tackling the monsters that are dating websites would be challenging — we didn’t expect it to be heartbreaking. After speaking with numerous people who were emotionally annihilated by them, it became apparent that dating websites are not only breaking people’s spirits, but also killing love. Sure, dating in general can be disappointing and tricky, but the most common websites seem to only be concerned with bottom lines and stacking their cash.
“I’m not classically beautiful. I’m not pretty enough to marry, but I’m pretty enough to fuck.” ~ Katherine
Dating sites emphasize physical beauty over interests. Most serious dating websites require some sort of profile picture, and many ask for several. You know, so people can get a sense of “your interests.” Bullshit.
Pictures make it easier for people to slop through hundreds of options and choose one based on appearance. Every guy we interviewed admitted they only look at the image and “don’t really care what she has to say” and one woman even admitted to social media stalking before dates just to find out what he really looks like.
The problem here isn’t that people shouldn’t care about the beauty of their potential partner, the issue here is that the initial reaction to an image is considered important in some way. That’s just not how the brain or heart works. Sometimes, we find ourselves attracted to an individual only after speaking to them.
According to a 2015 University of Kansas study about flirting “… people became more attracted to their conversation partner, they showed that attraction in ways that revealed their flirting style." And what’s more important on a first date than expressing interest through flirting?
The problem with these dating sites, is you don’t get a chance to flirt. It’s like a damn research project, and before you know it, you’ve been scouring the Internet for hours and have already decided his eyes are too far apart and he has a weird relationship with his sister.
“I can’t just go up to someone and say hello in a bar or bookstore anymore. EHarmony has completely fucked my social skills. I just feel unprepared now.” ~ Steve
The importance of eye contact, laughing, physical touch and conversation are key to any solid relationship. What we’re seeing now, with people who have been on dating websites for years, is their lack of actually pursuing what they want in a real social situation.
People are hiding behind computer screens and preparing online for the love of their lives instead of going out and finding them. It’s the difference between being prepared for a pop quiz and not.
“I always take them out three times and then I fuck them. That’s my whole goal! Honestly? It builds my ego.” ~ James
We all like to have sex — and there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone and enjoying a night of bed breaking lust, but the problem with these websites is that people (not just men) are using them only for sex. And although that’s okay if you and your new sexual partner have an understanding, it’s definitely not okay if you know full well that the person you’re about to fuck is in this game for the long haul.
Even if they don’t admit to it, most are on these websites looking for love, and online dating sites make it super easy to fuck and dash.
“These companies don’t give a shit about you. They have dating coordinators that pretend to care, but after you’ve shelled out $1,200 and still don’t have someone to come home to? You know you’ve been scammed.” ~ Anonymous
With the exception of Tinder (which really isn’t a dating website as much as it is a fucking app), most of the serious dating websites charge a pretty hefty fee. These companies understand and take advantage of people who, in this digitized, impersonal time, crave a true personal connection.
All humans need to feel loved and touched, and it may sound wicked cheesy, but it’s fucking true. Research shows that suicide, blood pressure, addiction and depression all plummet when people are in loving relationships. It doesn’t matter what that love looks like, or what form it takes in your own life, but in order to be happy, we need to give and receive love.
So why are we putting ourselves through this torture? Because we’re overworked optimists that watch way too many Match.com commercials and think our soul mate is just a click away.
“I had one guy just never show up for the date and then another just never called me back. I thought we had a good time, but I just never got an explanation. It was devastating for my ego. I didn’t date for three months after. I guess I just thought something was wrong with me.” ~ Amy
Dating websites set up a precedent of dishonesty and no commitment. It’s like you get to sample the halibut and then send it back if you don’t like the taste or look of it. That’s not fucking right. You eat the halibut and should be grateful you even got to have the halibut in your personal space! You can’t just sample people. It’s not emotionally healthy to go out with someone and then just toss him or her aside with no explanation, for either of you.
We live in a society of instant gratification, and let’s be clear about something, just because the Internet is readily available at the touch of a button, doesn’t mean we can shut our hearts and minds off with one easy touch.
“I don’t know why I’m crying … I’m not even a crier! It’s just this all makes me feel so hopeless. I mean, I’m done with dating online now. It’s killed the thought of romantic love for me. I’ll get it back, I just don’t know when.” ~ Michael
We’re not here to judge your quest for love, we’re just here to remind you that contrary to the bullshit, these money hungry dating websites are slinging. There’s zero wrong with taking your time to find someone the old fashioned way. Get your asses and pocketbooks away from these massive corporations and simply go out. Mingle. Laugh with strangers.
Life is too short to allow someone else to be making money off of your hearts.