Alabama town evacuates entire population over a little box of weed

Alabama town evacuates entire population over a little box of weed

VicesNovember 22, 2013

This morning, thousands of Decatur, Alabama residents overcame their fear-induced paralysis to flee their homes, schools, and businesses after a suspicious package was found on top of a train car. It was just sitting there, being menacing. And Decatur officials just couldn't have that, now could they? Hint: no.

The parcel was discovered by employees at the rail yard, who were conducting a routine inspection of rail cars when they noticed an unidentified package the size of a telephone book in the car's dome. Oh, and did we mention the train car they found it on was filled with super-toxic hydrogen fluoride?

Authorities were alerted to the suspicious package. After ascertaining that it was some sort of hydrogen fluoride activating bomb, a mass evacuation of the town was conducted. Eleven schools, two colleges, and countless businesses shooed their patrons away and told them to get the fuck out of town before a chemical holocaust rained down upon them. Once the FBI arrived, they swooped in to dismantle the chaos-causing package and save the day. Everyone held their breath as the package was gingerly opened. Prayers were uttered, family members were contacted with sorrowful goodbyes, and wills were finalized, as people were fully expecting to get blown up and hydrogen floride-ed to high hell. But you know what they found in the package?

Some weed. They found some weed, guys. Really shitty Mexican weed. Weed ruined everyone's day. WEED.

Apparently, someone in Mexico stuck it on the train, thinking it would reach the hands of some weed fiend in the States, safe and sound. Well, on the bright side, school was canceled. Can you imagine if a suspicious package full of weed was found in Boulder? We'd have school off like, every day.