All kinds of fuckery happened in music this week: This is Harmony in the Headlines

All kinds of fuckery happened in music this week: This is Harmony in the Headlines

MusicJuly 13, 2018 By Brian Frederick

Algorithms broken? Too busy to care? Each week we recap the most interesting music headlines from the past 7-or-so days. Simply put, we want to catch you up on what's happening in the boom boom bap while others are busy writing about "isms." 

1. Drake and his team were likely celebrating this week as numbers from the Scorpion album came in and reckt every single artist up until this point — a billion streams in just one week! Sounds almost too good to be true, because, let's face it, it probably is*. Artists and labels pull out all kinds of tricks now to fake streaming numbers, and by the looks of things (as meticulously vetted out by one author the last time this happened with Drake's Views album), Drake's doing it too. 

2. Want proof? Major labels are currently crying foul because their artists aren't on playlists enough — a wildly successful venture of streaming sites that account for some 30 percent of plays by estimates. And it's no secret payola is alive and well online, an act of labels paying outlets to push their artists more than others. So, Drake might have broken a record, but his numbers are no more real than his ghostwritten verses*.

3. A #1 that wasn't faked though is Green Day's song "American Idiot," which topped the charts in the U.K. ahead of President Trump's visit. 

4. And speaking of Green Day again because time is cyclical and we're going backwards now: a recent Washington Post report on the above story quoted ... get this ... a Clickhole article in its unending quest to lift the name of media from "fake news." Clickhole is, of course, an off-shoot of The Onion and that shit just stings right now.

5. So Washington Post, Drake and President Trump have all had bad weeks so far, but not Cardi B. She not only celebrated becoming the first female rapper with two number one hits (which, whatever, charts), but also had a baby with Migos mumbler Offset.

6. Could it be the second coming of Fyre Festival? Reports abound claim a festival slated for this weekend in Antioch, California, is just another scam. The XO Music Festival was supposed to be lit AF with headliners like Ludacris, Vanilla Ice, T.I. and others — yet money wasn't anywhere to be found. “Things didn’t add up. It was fraud from the start," said Jim Hudson of Country Music Management, to Rolling Stone.

6. Which might mean prison for the festival promoters, just like this guy, a second suspect caught in the murder of rapper XXXTentacion. Life, meet toilet.

7. The hack on Ticketmaster was worse than previously announced, reports RiskIQ, a threat intel firm. According to Ticketmaster, only 5 percent of their clientele was affected. But that doesn't seem to be the case. “The Magecart (the hacker collective) problem extends to e-commerce sites well beyond Ticketmaster, and we believe it’s cause for far greater concern.  We’ve identified over 800 victim websites from Magecart’s main campaigns making it likely bigger than any other credit card breach to date.”

8. But if there's a problem, ICP can fix it. You see, as the story goes, Violent J (one-half of the controversial duo) has a daughter; and his daughter is a furry. She ordered a costume and it sucks. So what does he do? He started a YouTube series called Snakebusters and went batshit on the company. Media outlets tried to make fun of the whole ordeal, but as commenters rightly pointed out: it's actually pretty fucking cool he'd do this kind of thing for his kid. Legit Dad of the Year nominee for sure.

9. And what's this!? Another ICP story? In a thread with two Green Day stories? God bless the '90s!! Along with helping out his kid, a computer science blogger discovered that Juggalo makeup, specifically, beats facial recognition software. So no more being monitored by NSA, all it takes is a lifetime devotion to the fam. Whoop Whoop!

(And if you care, here is a list of all the musicians nominated for an Emmy. But you don't, and shouldn't. Fuck awards shows.)

*=our lawyers tell us to use "allegedly" liberally, because obviously Drake won't ever admit to faking numbers. But he did hide a kid after berating the mother like she's some kind of animal, so, #character.