American hero fights for freedom by demanding more ranch dressing at Jack in the Box

American hero fights for freedom by demanding more ranch dressing at Jack in the Box

VicesOctober 15, 2013

A Washington freedom fighter demonstrated that particular, self-entitled, cholesterol-filled gusto that Americans are known for last Monday by having a meltdown at an area Jack in the Box after he was refused a third free packet of ranch dressing. He got two free ones, but demanded a third, a bold step that no doubt threatened the freedom-squashing Jack in the Box employee who wanted to restrict his American liberties by limiting his ranch supply to two measly packets. 

After the cashier holding the ranch hostage refused to fuel the man's ranch habit further and asked that he pay $0.25 for an extra packet, the man turned into a ranch-deprived Incredible Hulk and shoved a 68 year-old man standing nearby for posterity. Oh, the way he defends ranch freedom just gets us so hot and bothered. We think a Purple Heart ceremony is in order.

The cashier finally gave in and gave the man a third packet so that he could develop ranch-induced heart disease on his own accord like a true American citizen. The cashier was like, "Take the ranch and be gone with your bad self," but the man had other plans. He sat and munched angrily on his ranch-slathered fast food, then left in a tizzy, mumbling something about how he had a knife before riding away on his purple bicycle. USA! USA!