Apple could fund the U.S. education budget if it paid taxes on offshore accounts

Apple could fund the U.S. education budget if it paid taxes on offshore accounts

CultureJuly 28, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

One crazy sexy cool way for multinational companies like Apple to stockpile cash and grow even more terrifyingly rich is to store it offshore in other countries where they don't have to pay taxes on it. In fact, so many companies do this, that the amount of money stashed overseas by U.S. companies is estimated to be at least $2 trillion.

That's a lot of lost cash money for us Americans. What would the world be like if some of those companies brought their fortunes stateside and let us misfortunate plebeians share meagerly in the wealth?

Well, for one, Apple alone could fund over two thirds of the U.S. education budget for a year. With $181.1 billion stored in offshore bank accounts, that translates to about $59.2 billion that would go towards training and employment of qualified teachers and the operation of public schools. Wouldn't it be great if, instead of your poor, overworked parents breaking their backs to send you to college, somebody like Walmart paid for the English degree you'll never use simply by moving their accounts back into momma's house?

But since no one in this country gives a rat's butt whiskers about education, all Apple's overseas loot goes towards personal self-driving helicopters, imported Ukrainian trophy wives and really, really, really high thread count bed sheets for Apple's one-percenters. Oh, and constantly adapting the iPhone's headphone jack and charging input just to irritate us.

General Electric’s potential taxes could cover almost 5 percent of our Social Security costs, while taxes from Microsoft could help out with a fifth of all federal spending on veteran’s benefits.

If all the Fortune 500 companies with offshore holdings banded together for good instead of personal profit, they'd eradicate 10 percent of our national debt in just one year.

Here’s the chart of 30 Fortune 500 companies with the biggest holdings abroad; these are the people you should be asking for help from for student loans and organic cat food money. Save us, rich people! Save us with your rose gardens and silk things and Canadian online casinos and whatever else it is you spend all that money on!