Authorities don't know what prompted Justin Bieber's egging incident, but we do: puberty
Eggs and cocaine are usually a match made in heaven...if your balls have dropped.
Unfortunately, for one Justin Bieber, who's balls are undoubtedly still up in there, the normally therapeutic combination of eggs and pure Colombian snow resulted in $20,000 worth of damage to his neighbors house after he allegedly egged it. And since the damages are over $400, the attack could be considered felony vandalism.
It's unclear whether the violent egging was motivated by frustration over not being able to control his confusing morning wood, or whether his mom brought home a plain cheese, not pepperoni pizza for dinner, when he clearly said he wanted pepperoni.
Don't worry Justin, we'll just chalk this one up to a bad case of puberty. It's okay little guy, stop crying, Momma's here. Momma's here.
But even Momma couldn't' stop the authorities from raiding his Calabasas mansion on Tuesday morning. They were combing the place for remnants of the egging when they just, you know, casually found some cocaine.
Justin's BFF, rapper Little Za, was arrested for possession of the cocaine, but officials say that Justin had "no connection" to the stuff, something we're sure has nothing to do with his celebrity. An important thing to keep in mind is that teenage boys undergoing puberty often experiment with drugs and alcohol for the first time in an effort to define who they are to themselves and their peers.
Even the man whose house Justin allegedly egged saw the writing on the wall, asking him if he felt like "a big man now" in this video he took of the incident as it occurred. Pubescent adolescents often confuse acting out with acting "mature," something that can only be cured by coming home early and spending a little time with Momma.
“He’s a little punk head,” another neighbor said of Bieber. “He thinks these are funny pranks, but they’re not. Parties that go until 5 a.m. with the music blasting aren’t funny in a family-oriented neighborhood. He needs to own up to what he is doing. He’s got major issues.” Yeah, like B.O. and what to do with all the pubic hair he suddenly has.
At press time, Justin was too busy hiding all his older brother's Playboy magazines from the cops and OD-ing on testosterone to apologize to his neighbors or offer to pay for the damage, so there's still that issue to settle on top of the whole "my best friend is going to jail for cocaine that was mine" thing. It's unclear what stage of puberty Justin is in right now, but we're pretty sure it's the one where you suck as a musical artist and have a wispy mustache. We just hope he can grow up so he can write his neighbors a nice apology note, otherwise he's so grounded.