The Bloodhound Gang Pisses Off Russia, and Somehow Regains Relevance.
This just in, The Bloodhound Gang is still a performing band, and has rendered a piss poor job in maintaining foreign affairs. Remember The Bloodhound Gang? They were the guys who brought us musical sensations the likes of “The Bad Touch,” “A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying,” and recently spent their summer on tour overseas, desecrating flags of unstable countries. Now, members of the band are being investigated for inciting hatred and enmity…by Russia.
The reports surfacing allege that bassist Jared Hennegan stuffed a Russian flag down his pants at a show in Ukraine earlier this summer. Video of the stunt made its way to the country, and subsequently sent the Russian Investigative Committee to make moves in prosecuting Hennegan. The reports also cite James Franks, aka Jimmy Pop, as being a type of co-defendant in the charges.
According to the findings of the comprehensive psycho-linguistic forensic examination, Hennegan's actions committed with the use of the national flag of Russia are derogatory in nature and can be perceived as a desecration of a national symbol. Moyer, Hennegan, and other unknown persons entered a criminal plot aimed at disgracing Russian citizens and formed a criminal group to that end.
Yikes. Between this disclosure and the incessant soaking of our fine state, we’re fairly unsure of what way “up” actually is. The world right now is just so confusing. Our head is spinning circles.
The country has since banned all band members from entering the country for five years, and intends to put both Hennegan and Moyer on the Russian wanted list.
Putin, you sly son of a bitch you. We get it. We’ll give you our five has-beens for your Edward Snowden. Now - truce!