Bros, Bras, Bruhs, Brosefs and Bronettes get ready: the Coachella 2014 lineup is here!

Bros, Bras, Bruhs, Brosefs and Bronettes get ready: the Coachella 2014 lineup is here!

MusicJanuary 09, 2014

For months now, calculated leaks about this year’s Coachella lineup have been making the rounds. Out of all of them (even including the one about an entire stage of dead hologram performers) the Outkast reunion seemed the most viable; and now it’s official. Outkast will be headlining day 1 of the internationally recognized music festival. Finishing out the top spots on the bill will be Muse and…Arcade Fire?

We’ll admit, we had to walk away and ham out a couple thousand stomach crunches before coming back to the poster after first glance. Arcade Fire is listed above Beck, and while we see the allure of Arcade Fire and understand its popularity – we just don’t understand the billing above a legend like Beck. 

But this isn’t our party – we just report on it.

So here it is in all of its overpriced and wildly hyped glory: the lineup for this year’s Coachella 2014. If you have issues reading the small print like we did, scroll below where we’ve listed the acts in a beautifully crafted font just for you.

And if you’re the least bit interested in gaining yourself entry for the most talked about festival this side of the Prime Meridian - weekend passes will set you back about 400 shell-bones for entry alone. Last year the festival split into two separate, but identical weekends to alleviate some of the pressure on high demand, but it still sold out within 15 minutes of ticket launch. To that we say, good luck.

Friday, April 11 & 18
Outkast, the Knife, the Replacements, Broken Bells, Zedd, Girl Talk, Ellie Goulding, Chromeo, Haim, Neko Case, AFI, Martin Garrix, Bonobo, Bryan Ferry, the Glitch Mob, the Afghan Whigs, the Cult, Bastille, Flume, Aloe Blacc, Jagwar Ma, A$AP Ferg, Grouplove, Woodkid, Carnage, Shlohmo, Gareth Emery, Michael Brun, MS MR, Kate Nash, Hot Since 82, Damian Lazarus, GOAT, Nina Kraviz, Anthony Green, Duke Dumont, the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Solomun, ZZ Ward, Anti-Flag, Caravan Palace, Flatbush Zombies, Deorro, Waxahatchee, Title Fight, Davide Squillace, DJ Falcon, Dum Dum Girls, Austra, Tom Odell, Dixon, Wye Oak, Crosses, Mako, the Preatures, the Bots, Gabba Gabba Heys

Saturday, April 12 & 19
Muse, Queens of the Stone Age, Skrillex, Pharrell Williams, Lorde, Foster the People, Pet Shop Boys, MGMT, Empire of the Sun, Fatboy Slim, Nas, Kid Cudi, the Head and the Heart, Sleigh Bells, Cage the Elephant, City and Colour, Chvrches, Dillon Francis, Capital Cities, the Naked and Famous, Temples, Mogwai, Warpaint, Solange, Washed Out, Future Islands, Ty Segall, DARKSIDE, Banks, Tiga, Bombay Bicycle Club, Holy Ghost!, Netsky, RL Grime, Galantis, Foxygen, White Lies, Graveyard, the Internet, Laura Mvula, the Dismemberment Plan, Headhunterz, Blood Orange, GTA, TJR, Cajmere, Guy Gerber, Nicole Moudaber, MAKJ, Bear Hands, the Magician, Young & Sick, Unlocking the Truth, Saints of Valory, Carbon Airways, UZ, Syd Arthur, Bicep, Drowners

Sunday, April 13 & 20
Arcade Fire, Beck, Calvin Harris, Neutral Milk Hotel, Disclosure, Lana Del Rey, Motörhead, Alesso, Duck Sauce, Little Dragon, Beady Eye, Flosstradamus, the Toy Dolls, the 1975, Adventure Club, Big Gigantic, Chance the Rapper, Laurent Garnier, Krewella, Rudimental, STRFKR, Fishbone, Trombone Shorty, AlunaGeorge, Art Department, Flight Facilities, Frank Turner, John Newman, Maceo Plex, Superchunk, Bombino, Daughter, Bad Manners, Surfer Blood, Lee Burridge, Poolside, Classixx, Showtek, James Vincent McMorrow, Bo Ningen, Aeroplane, Ratkin, Jhené Aiko, J. Roddy Walston and the Business, Factory Floor, Preservation Hall Jazz Band, Anne Lunoe, the Martinez Brothers, Scuba, John Beaver