Budweiser wants to turn Crested Butte into a giant party. You down?
Budweiser may be the King of Beers (according to Budweiser), but it's also the King of Turning Crested Butte into a Massive Party, Because Beer. They'll be taking over the entire town of Crested Butte, population 1,500, to turn it into a fantasy locale where residents drink Bud Light like it was holy water anointed with the happy-tears of angels in the midst of a 48-hour party.
As part of this fantasy, the towns's lampposts will be fenced off and painted Bud Light blue ... fuck it, everything's gonna be painted blue.
Street-performers will also be painted blue.
Pop-up bars will serve nothing but Bud Light products, so if you want an IPA, go ahead and continue yourself uninvited.
Bands will play on a giant stage to a crowd of people drunk enough to say, "I've seen these guys nine times ... what are they called?"
We heard something about a giant Twister game, and the town's Mine Ice Arena and Center for the Performing Arts will be made into other, Bud-themed Whatever venue for party, party, party.
Take that, frat brothers who didn't invite us to their Luau-themed party in 2005. Your parties aren't even anywhere near that legit! Smell our farts!
It's all part of Budweiser's "Are You Up for Whatever?" campaign, aimed at selling more Bud to couch-bound Americans. Budweiser debuted their "Whatever" campaign during the last Super Bowl ... remember it was the one with Don Cheadle riding an elevator with a llama? Arnold Schwarzenegger playing ping pong, as he do? Helicopters? Yeah, this one:
Sometime after that commercial aired, follow-up videos on TV and social media carried on the "Are You Up for Whatever?" theme and Bud announced that they'd be taking over an entire town and turning into a little thing called "Whatever, USA." Potential visitors to Whatever were asked to apply online so they could be whisked off, inexplicably, to a place where a bladder full of Bud Light was the common denominator between residents and ... more than 100,000 people applied. Free beer, we guess?
But although a recent poll showed that 90% of Crested Butte residents are totally up for Whatever, the event has some people pissed enough to buy Coors.That's because until about two weeks ago, plans to turn Crested Butte into the country's biggest party were kept secret.
"The secrecy behind the event is because we don't want 35,000 people here. It's a matter of safety and security for us," said Dan Marshall, who was hired by Crested Butte to help plan for the event and calm everyone the fuck down.
Many residents felt that being kept in the dark about an event so massive and town-altering was unfair.
Yet more people argued that being transformed into seething Bud Light party town for an advertising campaign would damage their image. Google "obvious."
Another reason some people aren't sporting party-boners is because Bud Light is gross.
But, being subtly-omnipresent overlords they are, Budweiser anticipated dissent, which is presumably why they've offered to sweeten the deal with a cool $250,000 payment to town coffers. Some say that's nowhere near enough, while other's are like ... "fuck yeah."
But although town officials have tried to smooth ruffled feathers by saying "It's not as if this event is in the bag," they've nonetheless whipped up a "Whatever USA Town Operations Packet," and sent in teams of contractors to measure things and check things off checklists around bars and hotels, and tell people they "couldn't' talk about what they were doing." Forecast predicts: it's happening.
Whether it's happening or not (it is), or whether Bud Light is delicious enough to warrant a marketing stunt this monumental (it's not), one thing's for sure: we're going to need a ride to the party. Doesn't your dad have a car?