Canada legalized weed and HOLY SHIT CANADA LEGALIZED WEED!!: This is your News on Drugs

Canada legalized weed and HOLY SHIT CANADA LEGALIZED WEED!!: This is your News on Drugs

VicesJune 22, 2018 By Reilly Capps

Too lifted to read the news, possibly because you live in Canada where weed is legal now? We read it for you. This is your news on drugs.

1. Canada legalized weed.

2. Canada ... legalized ... weed!!

3. Pot will be officially legal on October 17. Sold in stores. 

4. The Canadian Justice Minister asked folks not to blaze up until the new law goes into effect in October. (But who is she kidding?)

5. Canada legalized weed and got "royal assent," which means the Queen of England's representative said "light that shit up, mothafuckas" because Canada is part of England or something.

6. Canada legalized weed, and a leading conservative British "Lord" said the war on cannabis in England had been "irreversibly lost," and the U.K. should legalize the fuck out of rec pot, broh. But the Prime Minister doth respondeth that the Lord's chatter was rubbish poppycock, that “the harmful effects of cannabis are well known" and weed shalst remain banished from her majesty's royal realm.

7. Canada legalized weed, but politicians in Mexico are often either swept into office or dumped into a grave, depending on how big they pucker up their lips up to kiss the Cartels' butts, as 18 mayoral candidates have been killed before the July elections. More than a hundred Mexican politicians have been assassinated in the last 10 months. Maybe stop the Drug War already? Nah? Just let the dead keep piling up? Okay then.

8. Canada legalized weed, but our congress took a step toward giving drug troll Jeff Sessions more power in his war on awesomeness, moving forward a bill that would basically let Sessions criminalize molecules as he sees fit. The SITSA act — Stop the Importation and Trafficking of Synthetic Analogs Act — was passed by the House, and, if passed by the Senate could lead to the banning of kratom, research chemicals and basically anything that makes you feel wiggy and wonderful that isn't already illegal.

9. When Warriors shooting guard Nick Young — aka Swaggy P — saw Canada freed the weed, he tweeted that America needed to step its game up:

Later he said he was just kidding. But was he though?

10. Cannabis — allowed in Canada now — is harmless, but Ketamine is sometimes used like a taser, and activists in Minnesota are angry. See, paramedics are authorized to use ketamine to shut down thrashing, yelling crazy people who are sick but won't cooperate. Quick needle in the muscle and — droom — a raging homeless PCP user morphs into a sleeping baby. But police sometimes ask paramedics to quiet suspects with ketamine, even when it's not medically necessary. Easier to cuff 'em. This is against the rules.

11. Weed — now legal in Canada — is safe, but fentanyl is a helluva drug, as a Massachusetts cop patting down a passenger in a car noticed powder on himself and started to feel light-headed. The powder was likely fent — an opioid 50 times stronger than heroin — and the trooper and the drug dude were hospitalized, later released.

12. Finally, just to clarify, Canada legalized weed. It's right next to Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, New York. You can go there any time.