Cannabis cash and a dick spiked with cocaine: This is your news on drugs

Cannabis cash and a dick spiked with cocaine: This is your news on drugs

VicesOctober 03, 2018 By Reilly Capps

Drugs are more than powders, tinctures, buds and crystals. They're money, wisdom, ruin and death. So here's the big news on drugs from last week, from cannabis to cocaine. To inform, to lift, to liberate:

1. Jobs, jobs, jobs in cannabis, and they pay well.

2. Fancy-pants smarties say 'Yes Please' to shrooms, as psilocybin researchers at Johns Hopkins asked the government to put mushrooms into schedule IV of the controlled substances act, near drugs like Xanax, Valium and Ambien, instead of schedule I, with heroin. Shrooms, they say in a scientific paper with a lot of big words, are cool.

3. Rich-ass Europeans dig shrooms too, as a healthcare investment firm raised $25 million for psilocybin for depression therapies, and floated the idea of going public with mushroom stock.

4. Two stories neatly typify the news about meth this week, and most weeks: "Man on an ATV arrested for meth while out on parole for meth," a California newspaper reported. And: "Man says ghost planted meth on him after he was attacked by an axe,"  a Louisiana paper said.

5. Drug War regret percolates through the upper classes. The former British Secretary of State for Justice, Lord Falconer, who has a name worthy of a Marvel superhero, wrote an op-ed saying, "I am sorry for supporting the war on drugs. I realise now it has been a tragic disaster."

6. Totally missing the moment, governments worldwide re-upped the War on Drugs, as nearly 130 countries agreed with the Trump Administration to pledge to fight drugs, as if you could battle an inanimate object. It's unclear if the one-page document will change anything. Some countries said they felt peer-pressured into signing it.

7. Boof the truth, as the definition of the word "boofing" may be part of what denies a supreme court nominee a seat on the bench. Brett Kavanaugh told the Senate that a reference to boofing on his yearbook page was about flatulence. In fact, as Rooster so astutely reported, it's shoving drugs or alcohol up your ass for fuller absorption. Was the definition of boof the same in 1982? It's unclear.

photo - protests against kavanaugh

8. Weed's cheap, as marijuana prices in Oregon continued to plummet, as we reported on a guy who got two pounds of weed for $20. More typical prices are from $250 to $1,500 a pound, depending on quality, but there are reports of pounds routinely being auctioned off for $100 a pound. Before legalization, it was usual for pounds to go for $2,500.

9. Klutzy pot: scientific tests show weed fucks with your fine motor skills. Other athletes, from Ricky Williams to Jake Plummer, would dispute this.

10. Ecstasy for stress? Of course! We talked to one of the researchers in the MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD trial on track to legalize the treatment by 2021. The doc, Scott Shannon, in Fort Collins, Colorado, sees "phenomenal benefit to MDMA."

11. Marijuana kills pain even in non-humans, and a restaurant in Maine is hotboxing its lobsters so they'll feel less pain when dropped in boiling water. It supposedly works, the chef told us.

12. A man spiked his own dick, as a German doctor was in court for allegedly repeatedly putting cocaine under his foreskin without telling the women he was about to have sex with. The coke made the women more compliant to his sexual demands, prosecutors said. One woman crashed her car afterward and another died of an overdose.

13. Legalization brings calm, Jim Jeffries found on Comedy Central. In Amsterdam, where sex and drugs are legal (ish), the cops are bored, not swamped. Watch: 

[Photos from Shutterstock.]